Somebody's Momma

Happy Halloween!

2010-11-01T12:18:00.004-05:00

Drew and Liam declared it the "best Halloween ever!" Great weather, great friends...a great night!!

Brad had lots of help carving the pumpkins!! (Notice the soul patch!!)

Ready to hit the streets...

Aarr, matey....trick or treat!

Abracadabra...poof!

2010-10-15T20:21:00.005-05:00

Liam was doing a magic show for me tonight before bed. This consists of me sitting on the floor in his room while he stands in front of me with two items in his hands. Then he says, "Close your eyes," and while I do that, he sets one of the items on the floor behind his legs. Then he stands up straight and says, "Open your eyes," and when I do he presents the one item where there had been two. I then make a big production about where the other item went and he gives me a sly grin and says, "Magic!" Then we do the whole thing in reverse, going from one item back to two. And then we repeat...four or five or twelve times.

So tonight we were probably on repetition number 4 or so, having used various toys and other items around his room. In this particular round he was using two little plastic slinkies. I shut my eyes, he put it behind his leg, I opened my eyes, he presented the lone slinky, I carried on, he grinned and said,"Magic!" I was then instructed to shut my eyes again. Just as Liam was about to bend over and turn to pick up the slinky so it could "reappear," I heard said slinky roll across the floor and saw (because I was now peeking) it land behind the hamper. Oblivious to what had just occurred, he continued to bend down and pick it up from where he had left it. And then... "WHOA!!! MOMMA!!! IT'S REALLY MAGIC!!" I opened my eyes, trying so hard not to laugh -- Liam's eyes were as big as saucers. He looked all around and then said, breathlessly, "The other times I was tricking you. I said it was magic but I really just set it down behind my leg. But this time, it's really GONE! It IS magic!!"

He never did discover what happened. He went to bed totally convinced he'd somehow pulled off the real thing this time!

Especially for Aunt Jessica!!

2010-10-14T21:54:00.005-05:00

So I walked past the boys' bedroom door early this morning and heard quiet talking. I peeked in just enough to see that Liam had crawled up into the top bunk with Drew. Here's the conversation I overheard as I stood in the hall:

Drew: Well, does your baby cry a lot after he eats?
Liam: Oh, yes!
Drew: That means you're not burping him enough. You need to go 'top top bottom bottom middle middle, top top bottom bottom middle middle..."
Liam (accompanied by patting noises): Top top bottom bottom middle middle, top top bottom bottom middle middle.
Drew: You're learning how to be a daddy. See now, when you grow up you'll know how to be a good daddy.
Liam: Yep!
Drew: Is your baby tired now? Does he need a nap?
Liam: Oh no, he's not tired!
(Quiet murmuring I couldn't understand and then...)
Liam (singing): Good night, little smurf...sleep tight, little smurf..

And that's when I realized the "baby" they were taking care of was the stuffed 'Papa Smurf' Liam just got from his aunt this weekend!

Missing something??

2010-06-27T21:34:00.004-05:00

Job Description

2010-05-19T16:51:00.004-05:00

Overheard while driving Drew and a school friend home after a playdate:

Friend (whose dad is a pastor at 2 country churches): I go to two churches! Sometimes I go to H..... but most of the time I got to B.......
Drew: Well, my mom's the worship leader at our church.
Friend: What's that mean?
Drew: She's the one that sings the loudest.

Liam Logic

2010-03-25T09:29:00.003-05:00

1) Liam: Mom, I think I know why Oscar the Grouch is so grouchy all the time.
Me: Really...why?
Liam: Because he lives in a trash can!!!
Huh. 40 years of Sesame Street and it never occurred to anyone that maybe he just didn't like living in that trash can.

2) After seeing several PBS shows talking about dinosaur bones and showing dinosaur skeletons in museums, Liam says to me, "There sure must be a lot of dinosaurs walking around without their bones!!"

3) Yesterday Liam was anxious to pick up his brother from school but it was only 2:30.
Liam: Can't we just go get him now?
Me: No, it's not time yet. It's only 2:30.
Liam: But I want to pick him up now.
Me: Well, there's nothing I can do about that -- I can't change the time.
Liam: Well, I can! (And off he went to change the clock.)
Problem solved!!

In other news, it's official: Liam has an imaginary friend. His name is Joey and he comes complete with a baby brother named Del and a dog named Deke! We started hearing about Joey a while ago but it took us a while to figure out that he was Liam's imaginary friend. Now we hear stories about Joey pretty much every day. He leads quite an exciting life, let me me tell you! But that'll have to be another post....

How You Know Your Husband Has Been Watching TV With Your Children

2009-11-14T21:00:00.004-06:00

So Liam and I are walking across the Luther campus and we see a nice-looking man in a suit.

Liam says, "He looks like he's on TV."

"What?" I ask, a little confused.

"He looks like he's on TV," he repeats.

"Oh.." I respond, thinking he's picturing a news anchor or something.

"Yeah, he looks like Michael," Liam continues.

"Michael?" I ask, racking my brain for a Disney or PBS show character named Michael (who wears a three-piece suit, no less!). Coming up empty, I ask, "Who's Michael?"

"Oh, Michael's an office worker," says Liam, confidently, "He works in an office."

He smiles up at me ever so sweetly, but it's too late -- I'm already dialing his dad on the cell phone.

Trick or Treat!!

2009-10-31T20:35:00.002-05:00

Well, much has happened in Chamberlain-land since last I blogged (June!) but we'll save that for another post.

Today, it's time for the annual Halloween post (which, as things are going, may well turn into the annual post, period!). This year we were thrilled to have our dear friends Grant and Anna with us for the day. While Anna was napping, the boys carved pumpkins.

After supper, we traded in four mild-mannered children for this:

(That's Optimus Prime, Sir Grant the Knight, Tinkerbell and Liam the Lion, in case you're wondering.)

It was a great night for trick-or-treating, and the kids (and grown-ups) had a blast together!!

Syttende Mai

2009-06-03T13:52:00.001-05:00

Future Defense Attorney, Perhaps

2009-05-28T20:51:00.006-05:00

Today Drew did something to exasperate Liam, and Liam hit him. (Hmmm, I could probably say that sentence every other day.) At the end of Liam's time out, I asked him why he was in a timeout.

"Because Drew kicked my truck!" was his immediate response.

"No, Liam, why are YOU in time out?" I pressed.

"Because Drew did....and Drew....and then Drew....and he frustrated me!"

"So, what did YOU do, Liam?" I asked, gently.

"I got a timeout."

Oh, the injustice.

Glubs, Katiebugs and Wiggly Readers

2009-05-26T20:39:00.007-05:00

I've been keeping a list of the funny 2-yr-old way Liam says certain things that I don't want to forget.

Here's a couple just from today:

(asking about when his birthday is) "When will my birthday be ready?"

(talking about his best friend) "Anna's my SO MUCH friend!"

Some of my other favorites:

gloves (and mittens, actually) = "glubs"

ladybugs = "katiebugs" (I refuse to correct this one, b/c I just love it so and want it to last forever! So shh--don't wreck it! Of course, this is how teenage boys (BRAD) end up still thinking puppies are called "buppies" and a sip of pop is a "zip!")

pretend = "tember" as in, "I tember I baby Cheetah, Mommy. You tember you the Mommy Cheetah!"

hill = "hilp"
kleenex = "pleenex"
McDonalds = "Picdonald's"

And finally, Liam's first knock-knock joke (told consistently, over and over and over and...):

Liam: Knock, Knock
You: Who's there?
Liam: Orange
You: Orange who?
Liam: People!!! (followed - always - by gales of uproarious laughter)

When Drew was two, I didn't have a blog, so I've forgotten most of his funny little sayings. I do remember one, however:

The summer Drew was two, he referred to the Whippy Dip (local ice cream shop) as the "Lip Lip." The neighbors thought that was hilarious and promptly began referring to the Whippy Dip as the Lip Lip from that point forward. The following summer, when Drew was an oh, so mature 3 years old, the neighbor kids asked him if he'd been to the "Lip Lip" yet. He looked at them with total disdain and answered in a perfectly condescending tone, "It's not the Lip Lip. It's the Lippy Dip." Get it right, people.

Of course, at almost six, he's not beyond having his own funny sayings:

My favorites:

weekly reader = "wiggly" reader (again, just can't bear to correct him!)
Mars = Marv's

And one of the all-time best:

Drew: Mom, is Great-Papa one of my anbrothers?
Me: Your what?
Drew: You know...anbrothers? The people that go before you?
Me (after a moment of deep thought): Oh, you mean ancestors?
Drew: Yeah! Ancestors!
Me: Yes, he is.
Drew (after a moment of deep thought and then a burst of laughter): OH! I thought it was ansisters --- and anbrothers!!

File Under: Things My Children Will No Longer Say in 10 Years

2009-05-21T16:23:00.004-05:00

#1:
Drew had field day at school yesterday and I went to help out. It was a gorgeous day and we all had a great time going from station to station playing games. I was in charge of a group of 7: Drew and 6 of his classmates. About half way through, Drew flashed me a dreamy smile and then said, "Only one person on my team is lucky enough to have his MOM as the leader! And it's ME!!!"

#2:
I was goofing around with Liam yesterday and said, "Liam, I have a surprise for you!"
He glanced over at me and asked, "What?"
"You'll never guess," I continued.
His eyes widened now, "What?!!"
"I love you!" I responded, a little afraid that he'd now be disappointed.
No worries. He immediately threw up his hands in the air and shouted, "YIPPEE!!!"

Who says you don't get paid to be a stay-at-home mom??

Apocalyptic Personality Test

2009-05-19T14:31:00.004-05:00

Yesterday I worked, and after picking up Drew from school, we headed over to my dear friend's house to pick up Liam. As Steph and I talked, the boys and her two kids played in the backyard. We weren't really paying attention to what they were playing except that it involved working in the "garden" and then running to a nearby tent to take shelter. As their playtime drew to a close, we tuned in just in time to take in this:

Drew, safely taking refuge in the tent with Steph's two kids, shouts desperately, "LIAM!!! IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD!!!!!!!"

Liam, calmly hoeing in the garden, looks up at the sky, shrugs his shoulders and returns to his work, saying, "It's not even raining!"

And that, my friends, says it all.

We are the Pirates Who Don't Do Anything...

2009-05-14T20:27:00.005-05:00

Drew and his good friend playing this afternoon:

Of course, little brother had to get in on the action as well!

Arr, Matey!

A Great Mom's Day

2009-05-10T16:38:00.005-05:00

It was a perfect Mother's Day:

Church
Culver's (with my very own dish of ice cream!)
Nap
Kite-flying
and Gifts!

Brad took the boys to Wal-mart and let them loose (figuratively, that is) with one question: What does Mommy like to do?

Here's what they came up with:

Yarn (Luther blue, of course!)
Flowers (fake, b/c Mommy can't keep anything alive)
Diet Mountain Dew (no explanation necessary)
Chocolate (ditto)
Corn on the Cob skewers (b/c I like to cook?!?)
A Magazine (b/c I like to read -- and they picked the finest of literature, as you can see!)

Absolute treasures!!! (the gifts and the givers!)

Safety first!

2009-03-22T17:43:00.003-05:00

This is how Liam ran around all afternoon. I guess, given his penchant for adventure, we should be glad he's protected!!

He did eventually find his way onto the bike that usually goes with helmet-wearing. All systems were go...if only he could reach the pedals.

March Madness comes to Decorah

2009-03-22T16:12:00.007-05:00

Warming up before the game

He shoots...he scores!!!

Don't even THINK about taking this ball away from me!

Did it go in?

Just look at that defense!

Oh, to get my hands on that ball!!!

Liam finally gets his chance!

We all had a great time at Drew's Biddy Basketball game. Drew was right in there, dribbling and shooting the ball -- just having a great time. Of course, it was pure torture for Liam, but he was very good about waiting until the game was over to get his chance to play.

After Drew's team had had their snack, Liam had gotten a chance to play a little and the next teams were lining up to do their "warm ups," we gathered our things and started to head for the door. Suddenly we realized Liam wasn't with us. We looked down on the gym floor, and there right in the middle of a line of red-shirted 5- and 6-year olds was Liam, patiently waiting for his turn at the net, like he was just another member of the team (he was wearing red, after all!). Before we could grab him, he found himself at the front of the line, took the ball, shot and scored.

We did manage to snatch him out of there before one of the coaches recruited him.

Blame it on the tooth fairy

2009-03-21T18:05:00.008-05:00

This is Drew.

This is Drew with a very loose tooth.

This is Drew after he lost his first tooth!!!

And now, for the rest of the story.

Drew was actually home sick the day he lost his tooth. Of course we made a big deal of putting his tooth (in a baggie) under his pillow for the tooth fairy.

(A little back story here. A friend of his had already told him her parents put the money under her pillow, so he was not only sick, but also highly skeptical. I told him we certainly were not giving him any money, so his only hope was for the tooth fairy to come through.)

So, morning came and Drew slept in until after 9am. The rest of us were downstairs in the kitchen when he came in, all feverish and red-cheeked, hair standing on end, big scowl on his face and slapped the baggie with his tooth still in it on the counter.

"This is all there was!" He said, and walked away.

Yeah, the tooth fairy FORGOT to come. I know. Worst parents ever. Just give us the medal right now and be done with it.

In a matter of about 20 seconds, we exchanged horrified looks over his head, stifled our laughter at the dramatic scene that had just unfolded before us and then -- in a moment of brilliance only a mother's guilt could produce -- I offered this:

"You know, Drew, you are pretty sick. I bet the tooth fairy didn't dare come while you were sick, because she has to go from house to house and she wouldn't want to get any of the other children sick." (And we wonder why he's a germaphobe!)

He didn't respond.

Later that day we were playing the Allowance Game and Drew landed on a square that says "Lose a tooth. Receive $1." Drew looked at me and said, "Why can't MY parents give me a dollar for my tooth?!!" I reiterated our position -- either the tooth fairy comes through or you're out of luck. He just scowled at me.

So, that night we put Drew to bed and then realized the tooth was still on the kitchen counter. I went up to his room and suggested we give it another try. He responded by saying he was still sick so the tooth fairy would probably not come. His Bestemor had suggested putting the tooth in a glass of water beside his bed (I'm not sure where this came from, we never did that growing up!) so I reminded him of her idea and mentioned that maybe if we just put the glass on his window sill the tooth fairy wouldn't have to get close to him and therefore wouldn't have to worry about carrying his germs to the other children. He went for it.

The tooth fairy came. And left not one, but two dollars. (Late fee? Interest? Or are we now stuck giving him $2 for every tooth?)

Strangely enough, I think the whole situation convinced him the tooth fairy is, in fact, real. I mean, how else do you explain it?

The love affair continues...

2009-03-12T14:28:00.002-05:00

Yeah, we're just so proud!

2009-03-08T19:07:00.003-05:00

So, Drew was working on some math problems tonight and Liam wanted to get in on the action so I was helping him with his letters. This is how it went:

Me (after writing an L on his paper): Liam, what's that letter?
Liam: L!!!
Me: Right, L for Liam. (Wrote an O on the paper) What's that, Liam?
Liam: O!!!
Me: Good. Now what's this? (Wrote an M)
Liam: McDonald's!!!

Something about Halloween...

2009-03-03T09:54:00.006-06:00

Clearly, there's something about that Halloween picture. The same thing happened last year -- I post the requisite Halloween picture and then promptly ignore my blog until sometime into the next calendar year. Last year it was the end of January -- this year we're into March (and let's be real...if not for my brother's nagging comments the mummy and the clown would still be gracing the top of this page even now!)

The sad thing is, my children have been providing enough blog material for about 10 blogging moms lately. And 5 years from now (or tomorrow) I'm going to kick myself for not having recorded this stuff somewhere.

So...for posterity, for the sake of moving past Halloween, and to make my brother happy --- a picture and a story:

For the past week or so, Liam has become very attached to a certain Twins baseball cap handed down to him from his brother. And by attached, I mean literally, physically attached...at all times.

The other morning when I went to get Liam out of bed, this is what I found:

Funnier yet, earlier that morning I heard him fussing and went in to fix his covers and tell him it wasn't time to get up yet. Though he wasn't even fully awake, his little arm popped out of the covers and groped around in the dark until it landed on his cap. Then he sat up, popped the cap on his head, shifted it back and forth until it was on just right, and laid back down to sleep.

I think he's been hanging out with his uncle Kevin too much!

Happy Halloween!

2008-10-31T18:59:00.003-05:00

A perfect fall day

2008-10-21T21:18:00.005-05:00

A little bit of work....

...and a whole lot of fun!

What'd you expect me to say?

2008-10-01T22:09:00.003-05:00

So, Liam's a little under the weather. I thought he felt warm tonight, so I talked Brad into pinning him down while I went at him with that horrible rectal thermometer.

As soon as the dirty deed was done and it was clear he did indeed have a fever, I tried to get at the nature of the illness by asking, "Liam, does something hurt?"

"Yes," he answered, with a whimper.

"What hurts, sweetheart?" I asked, in my most sympathetic mommy voice.

Still whimpering, he replied, "My butt."

Brad and I laughed so hard, eventually even Liam started to giggle.

Look out, there's a two year old in the house!

2008-09-20T21:32:00.001-05:00

Liam turned two today, the whole family came to celebrate with us, and there were no tantrums! (BTW, no one was worried about the two-year-old having a tantrum--it was mom who has a history of losing it at 2 year b-day parties!)

Perhaps the best moment of the day was when Liam opened a package of balls for his new ball pit (thanks, Papa and Nana...I think) and instantly 175 balls were flying through the air! He was in heaven!

The First Day of School!

2008-08-20T20:28:00.001-05:00

Drew started Pre-K today! Our district has a great program for those summer birthday kids who could go to kindergarten but would benefit from a little extra time. He'll go all day (8-3) three days a week. He's SO excited and I know he's going to love it.

As for mom, those four hours between 11 (when he used to be done with preschool) and 3 are going to seem like an eternity!

Summer in Iowa

2008-08-01T22:46:00.000-05:00

It just doesn't get much better than this!

He's five...

2008-07-18T22:00:00.003-05:00

...and able to leap small buildings in a single bound!

The birthday theme this year was water fun!!

We spent a wonderful afternoon celebrating with family at beautiful park complete with beach front.
And for the "kid" party: one slip and slide, one inflatable pool, and a cooler full of water balloons=6 very wet, but very happy kids! (I had to call them twice for cake!!)
Who would have guessed blue frosting could be so much fun?

Why I've Been Neglecting My Blog!

2008-06-28T14:50:00.007-05:00

Since I've been totally neglecting my blog, I thought the least I could do was show you what I've been doing instead!That's Liam modeling my latest project -- a hat that's actually for Brad (trust me, it's very stretchy!)

I also made him mittens:

My very first truly successful mittens, I might add. Maybe you'd like to take a closer look... :)

And this is actually a bag I made for my sister-in-law for Christmas...I was uploading it for Ravelry.com anyway (another reason I haven't been blogging), so thought I'd add it here as well.

True Maturity

2008-04-15T15:47:00.006-05:00

In my very first post on this blog, I talked about the moment I first felt like a grown-up. Today I bring you irrefutable proof that indeed I am officially and undoubtedly an adult.

Behold, the Kenmore Progressive Canister Vacuum:

No other material possession has brought me such sheer, unadulterated joy since... well, since we bought our minivan last year. (I rest my case.)

We found it a week ago, spent a week doing internet research (Brad) and dreaming/pining(me), and finally purchased it this weekend. As soon as Brad had it out of the van, I carefully and reverently unpacked it, put it together and read the manual from cover to cover.

And then, I vacuumed! Oh, the glory, the splendor of it all. The kitchen tile, the hardwoods, the area rug, the cursed almost-shag carpet on the stairs--it does it all with grace and simplicity.

I think I'm in love.

Here she is....

2008-04-14T10:40:00.008-05:00

Sweet Zaila Jane!
"A cousin...at last!!"

"Ooh....mouf!"

"I think I'll kiss it!!"

"Mmm..that looks so comfy, let's all try it!"

Suffice it say, we are all smitten! She's a keeper!!

Because I Don't Want to Forget

2008-04-13T20:17:00.003-05:00

So, the boys and I have been doing a lot of dancing and praising God in our kitchen lately. They both love to dance, so we often crank up the music and cut loose while I'm making lunch or cleaning up. A few weeks ago, we were rocking out to Israel Houghton's "You are Good"--I mean really, you gotta listen to that song LOUD--and Drew stops and looks at me and says, all serious-like, "Mom, you know why God is good?"

I quickly turn down the music and ask, "Why?"

"Well," he says, "because when God was deciding how he was going to do things, he decided to keep his promises."

Huh. God is good...because he keeps his promises.

I think you're on to something, son.

Boys!

2008-04-11T13:35:00.007-05:00

This was the scene in my kitchen last night as I cleaned up after dinner:

And the victory goes to.....

Somehow I can see this same scene playing out when they're 15 and 18!

I'm an Aunt!!!

2008-04-09T12:27:00.001-05:00

My little brother and his precious wife had a baby girl on Monday! You can read all about it (and see pics) at his blog. We're heading up to see them this weekend, so I'll post pics of the cousins (hooray, my kids have a COUSIN!!!) when we get back!!

Practicing Obedience

2008-02-18T20:35:00.007-06:00

I have so very many blog posts spinning around in my head. That's what happens when you don't blog for months at a time, I suppose. So, the best cure for that, I suppose, would be to pick something and talk about it, huh?

Ok, here goes.

So I'm leading our women's bible study this year as we work through Beth Moore's Living Beyond Yourself (a study of the fruit of the Spirit). I cannot tell you what a blessing this has been for me.

Our bible study is an ecumenical group sponsored by our church. The women are of all ages and stages of life, and we meet once a week on Wednesday mornings for prayer and study. We have a wonderful leader who does all the organizational tasks for the group and leads our prayer time, but usually we've taken turns -- on a week by week basis -- leading the discussions.

This summer a small committee consisting of myself, our leader Barbara, and another woman named Evelyn (who is one of the godliest women I know) were charged with choosing what we would study this academic year. We had decided we were going to spend the first 6 weeks on a study of prayer led by Barbara, and then had narrowed our choices for the remainder of the year down to either the Beth Moore study OR a study on the book of James. We decided to each spend time doing the studies and praying for God's direction and then meet again to make a decision. I spent time with both studies and prayed and prayed for God to reveal which one we should do. I got no answers. Not an inkling of direction about which one we should do. What I did get was this very quiet feeling that if we chose the Beth Moore study, I should lead the discussions.

At first I didn't trust that it was even from God -- how could He ask me to do this? I had my hands absolutely full juggling two part-time jobs and a family, I didn't need another responsibility right now. But the more I prayed about it, the more sure I became that this is what God was saying to me. Then the insecurities began: Who am I to think that they would even want me to lead every week? Many of those women already have to deal with me leading worship at church, they're probably sick to death of me! Who do I think I am, anyway? But God was insistent: IF we decided to do the Beth Moore study, I at least needed to volunteer to lead it.

So, eventually the three of us gathered at Barbara's house to make our decision. After prayer and some discussion of other logistical issues, Barbara posed the question: did we know which study we should do? I sat perfectly still, not about to utter a word. Didn't have to -- Evelyn immediately responded with, "Well, I do! We're supposed to do Beth Moore - the fruit of the Spirit." I winced. (I really did!) And then I muttered, almost begrudgingly, "Well, you should know that God told me if we did this study I was supposed to lead it." Almost immediately tears sprang into Evelyn's eyes. Turns out that as God revealed to her that we should do the Beth Moore study, he also put it on her heart to pray that someone would volunteer to lead it. Now if that ain't the Holy Spirit at work, I just don't know what is.

Needless to say, I was now committed to leading this study. Which was all well and good, because after all, God had gone to some lengths to orchestrate the whole thing and I felt pretty certain He was up to something. But still, I was now going to have to actually lead the bible study. And that meant time and effort and energy to prepare and all that stuff that I didn't think I had any extra of, right?

And that's where the real miracle happens. Because I started praying right away -- and so did Barbara and Evelyn, thank goodness -- that God would equip me to do what He had called me to do. I told God right from the start that this was His idea and I was happy to go along with it, but He would have to just do it through me.

And, let me just tell you, that's exactly what He did. Now usually I'm not so good at getting out of God's way and letting Him do His thing -- I usually like to get right in there with my own little schemes and plans and quickly relegate Him to offering occasional wise counsel and emergency rescue. But, in this particular case, He really didn't give me any choice in the matter. This was His plan and He would see it through.

And, ladies and gentlemen, I have never been so blessed. Never once has this felt like a burden. The time I have spent studying the lessons has been transformational. And the time I've spent preparing to lead the discussion has been nothing but rewarding. Every single week God has directed me so clearly as to what we should discuss and how we should spend our time. It's been such a precious time of hearing and discerning His voice -- and practicing obedience to it. It hasn't been stressful, it hasn't been exhausting, it hasn't been taxing. In fact, it's been just the opposite: it's been refreshing, exhilirating, sometimes even downright fun. Now, this doesn't mean that every discussion has gone perfectly well or been a complete success. Not at all. But God has taken my somewhat reluctant willingness to be obedient in this small matter, and given me back so much more than I could have ever hoped or dreamed.

Jesus says, "My yoke is easy and my burden is light." (Matt. 11: 30) This isn't to say that everything God asks of you is going to be a piece of cake -- or that you won't suffer. After all, Jesus also says, "Take up your cross and follow Me." But it is to say this: submission to God's plan brings immeasurable joy, blessing, freedom and peace. I want to keep doing what God asks me to do -- keep saying "yes!" to God--because I want to know in the rest of my life the peaceful rest in God's leadership and provision that I've experienced in leading this bible study . I know, oh how well do I know, what happens when I say "no" to God. And this, my friends, this peace in acknowledging the authority of God, no matter how much it costs, is just so much better.

Happy Thanksgiving, Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, etc.

2008-01-21T16:43:00.001-06:00

In the interest of moving beyond Halloween, I present, drumroll please....a new post. Really, it was bound to happen sooner or later. Or later. Or later.

I'm not about to recap the last 3 months of our lives, so we'll be moving on from here. BUT...I do want to record one funny Drew story from Christmas for posterity's sake.

Here it is:

It's Saturday morning, Dec. 23rd and we're preparing for the Torkelson Christmas celebration to be held later that day. Drew and his daddy went off to Target to find Mommy a Christmas present (Mommy, miracle of miracles, had all of her presents bought and wrapped already, thank you very much!). They returned home and Drew walked past the bathroom where I was getting ready (yes, it was almost noon and yes, I was just getting out of the shower -- oh, the joys of vacation!) I said, "Hi Drew!" and immediately he replied, with a great deal of vigor, "I'm NOT going to tell you the surprise!"

"Oh, of course, not." I replied, calmly. (Unlike his father, I enjoy being surprised and was not about to pry anything out of him.)

"BUT," he continued, as if he hadn't even heard me, "I WILL tell you (big dramatic pause) they've got REINDEER on them!"

"Ok," I said, trying to hide my smile. "But don't tell me any more."

He shook his head, like of course, he wouldn't say anymore and then promptly proclaimed, ever so dramatically, "Well, I'm NOT going to tell you they're slippers!"

Priceless.

Happy Halloween

2007-10-31T21:56:00.001-05:00

from the frog......and the fireman!

Trick or treat!!!

Great Day for some M & M's

2007-10-12T11:56:00.000-05:00

8 am yesterday morning:
It's a non-preschool, non-work day, so we're taking it easy. I'm still in my pjs, folding clothes in the living room while the boys play .

All of the sudden Drew says, "I need to go outside quick."

"Now?" I ask, looking at the clock.

"Yeah," he says, "I need to get something to give you."

"Ok," I say, somewhat puzzled, "Put your shoes and your sweatshirt on."

A few minutes later, he comes back in looking a little concerned.

"Mom," he asks, "Where are all the dandelions?"

I can't help smiling. "Well, it's October, Drew. The dandelions are all gone now."

(Brad would want me to insert here that we never really had any dandelions in our yard. The neighbors yes, but not us. Well, maybe a few in early spring, but he promptly eradicated them. Very promptly.)

Drew, however, doesn't care about our beautifully lush green lawn. He's crushed. Tears start to well in his eyes. "I wanted to give you dandelions, Mommy!"

"Well," I say, "you could find me a pretty leaf. There are lots of leaves on the lawn."

He covers his face with his hands. "But I want it to be a surprise!!"

"Oh, I'll be surprised," I assure him.

And with that he's out the door, in search of leaf.

Needless to say, I'll still have that crumpled brown leaf when he gets married.

1pm:

We're on our way home from Wal-mart and Drew is sitting in the back of the van, sharing a bag of M&M's with his good friend, Sarah.

He looks out the window at the cold, grey October sky and exclaims with a satisfied sigh, "What a beautiful day for some M&Ms!"

I couldn't agree more.

4pm:

I'm madly putting away laundry and picking up the house so I can feel like I've accomplished something before feeding the kids dinner and handing them off to Brad so I can get to worship team practice.

Drew comes into my room and looks at me imploringly. "Will you play a game with me?"

"Not now, sweetheart. I've got to get the house picked up." In my defense, we had just finished three rounds of Sequence for Kids. (I emerged the champion, in case you were wondering. It never happens, so it's ok that I gloat.)

"Will you play pets with me?" He persists, referring to a bagful of beanie babies his Bestemor gave him. "You can be the mommy and I'll be the son."

Sensing an opportunity, I grabbed him, gave him a hug, and said, jokingly, "I have an idea. Why don't we pretend that I'm the mommy and you're the little boy and I have to pick up the house and put away laundry, so you have to take care of the pets."

Drew, dead serious, says, "Ok!!" and trots off to find his animals.

UPDATE: Today I pick Drew up from school and as I'm helping him into the van he says, "Hey mom, when we get home can we play that game where you're the mom and I'm the kid and you're busy so I have to take care of the pets?" Hmmm..I might get my dusting done after all.

Liam's Birthday Bash

2007-09-30T21:43:00.001-05:00

Well, in the interest of equal press, I figured I better get some pictures up of Liam's birthday party.

We didn't manage to get both families together this time, so this is the Chamberlain version -- the Torkelson edition will be held at a date yet to be determined. (I'm a little afraid it won't happen until Thanksgiving weekend, but whatever -- he's one, give him cake and he'll be happy!)

It was an absolutely beautiful day and we were so excited to able to eat out on the deck (something we've never been able to do for Drew's birthday as it's inevitably the hottest day of July).

Our excitement was somewhat short-lived-- midway through our meal we were swarmed by bees and had to move inside.

Nevertheless, a great time was had by all!

Liam got lots of "help" opening his presents...and playing with his presents, too, actually! Such is the fate of the deuce.

He didn't have to share his cake, though!

Cherishing that Childish Chatter

2007-09-28T21:06:00.000-05:00

I've been doing a little surfing in the blogosphere lately and have come across several new fun/interesting blogs. Today, I was checking out the archives at BooMama and came across this post. Except for the first part about not wanting to have kids, I could relate to the entire thing--from thinking of those four days in the hospital as the sweetest of my life, to having a pretty easygoing baby, to wanting to pull my hair out when he was two and a half and talking non-stop--and why is it always worse in the car?

For Drew, it was the questions--or, more precisely, the questions with no answers--that drove me crazy:

Him: "Where is that guy going?" (referring to a man seen walking on the sidewalk as we drive down main street)
Me: "I don't know."
Him: "What's his name? (still referring to said man)
Me: "I don't know."
Him: "But where's he going?"
Me: (we've been here already!) "I don't know."
Him: "Do you think he's going to the toy store?"
Me: (I highly doubt it.) "Maybe."
Him: "Can WE go to the toy store?
Me: (at last, one I can answer!) "No, not today."
Him: "But why?"
Me: "We need to go to Fareway."
Him: "Maybe he's going to Fareway."
Me: (big sigh) "Maybe, Drew...maybe."

Drew, at four, is still a talker and, being a very curious child, is still an asker of many questions. But now, for the most part I can answer them. Or refer him to his father. We do still get caught up in some doozies though. About a month ago this was our cartime conversation:

Him: "Mom, why is the furniture store not there anymore?"
Me: "Because it moved to a new building."
Him: "Why?"
Me: "Because they needed more space."
Him: "Why?"
Me: "Because they wanted to be able to have more furniture."
Him: "Why?"
Me: "So they can sell more furniture."
Him: "Why?"
Me: "So they can make more money."
Him: "Why?"
Me: "I guess so they can buy more stuff."
Him: "Why?"
Me: "Well, that's a good question."

Still somewhat exhausting,yes, but at least a little more thought-provoking.

And more often than not, our conversations now are funny, interesting and engaging. This week our car talks have ranged from a discussion of sin and why Jesus had to die on the cross to Drew's plan for what kind of house he'll live in when he's an adult, how many kids he'll have and what their names will be (wood house when he has babies, then a brick house when they get older; two kids; a girl named Britta and a boy named Naomi--"not Naomi Elizabeth, that's a girl's name, just Naomi"). Now that's good stuff.

And if he's this interesting at four, I can't imagine the great dialogue we'll have at 8 and 12 and 18. Kind of makes all that obnoxious chattering worth it, doesn't it?!

"I Can't Believe I Ate the Whole Thing!"

2007-09-20T14:41:00.000-05:00

We took Liam out for a little birthday (pan)cake this morning. He definitely knows how to celebrate!

Happy Birthday!

2007-09-20T14:19:00.000-05:00

William George Chamberlain
9am on September 20, 2006

William George Chamberlain
9am on September 20, 2007

Happy Birthday, Bean!

Eeeek!

2007-09-19T21:37:00.000-05:00

So, we have mice.

Brad woke up around 3am last night and decided to check the basement for water (it was raining). No water, but he found two mice desperately trying to get out of our laundry sink. He killed them (I love that he's the guy and I'm not!) and went back to bed. This morning he went back down to check out the situation and found TWO more. And then, just moments later, as he bravely ironed his shirt in our now apparently mouse-infested basement (I have not been down there since 3am this morning!), a mouse FELL from the rafters in front of his face. Ok, I'm shuddering even as I type.

I realize I'm kind of a wimp about such things, but it kind of freaks me out that we've never seen a mouse in our basement in three years and then 5 different mice show up in a matter of 4 hours! I'm thinking we have a problem.

Brad thinks so, too. Two trips to Wal-mart and one trip to Ace Hardware later, he was fully equipped for mouse battle: poison, glue traps, some sort of voodoo ultrasound repellers that you plug into the wall (their purpose is to drive the mice out of the walls: I'm not a fan. If we're going to have mice, I prefer them in the walls, rather than out.) So far the score is Brad the Exterminator 3, Mice 2. We're winning!

So why do we feel like sleeping with the lights on tonight?

Kiss it and Make it Better?

2007-09-11T21:20:00.001-05:00

So, Drew got himself in a little trouble on Saturday and had to have a spanking. He was overly tired and very upset, and just sat in my lap on the floor and cried. And cried. Liam heard the commotion and came to see what was going on. Seeing his brother so distraught clearly upset him, and he began just kind of pacing around us, not sure what to do. Finally he came up real close, leaned in, and gave his big brother a tender kiss on the cheek.

Talk about breaking mom's heart.

Catching Up

2007-09-10T16:46:00.000-05:00

Hi, my name is Julie and it's been over a month since my last post. Oh wait. That's what you say at AA meetings...or is it confession?

Well, anyway, due to a great 10 day vacation up north, and then a not-so great two weeks of sickness (first Drew, then me) and then the ensuing aftermath--including 9 loads of laundry in one weekend--it has been a very long time since I've blogged.

Ok, so the fact that we got real cable (hello, HGTV!) factored in there somewhere, too.

I refuse, however, to make this blog a source of guilt--I have enough of those in my life--so this is the last time I'm going to make excuses for time between posts. It is what it is.

So...a few things that have happened since last I blogged. Here are the highlights:

1. Liam started walking. Really walking. And, man, is he fast!

2. Drew started back to preschool. He was so excited--and he's grown up so much even since last spring. He is having a great time reconnecting with old friends and making new ones.

3. We found out my brother and his wife are expecting! Hooray -- I'm going to be an aunt! Now I get to be the one that says, "Oh, just let him stay up a little later -- and give him another cookie while you're at it!!"

That's all for now...stay tuned for a cute kid story tomorrow!

Ten Years!

2007-08-02T17:07:00.000-05:00

Seven homes in three states, 8 or 9 jobs and a Ph.D., two beautiful boys and countless hours of laughter, tears and great conversation -- what a great ten years it's been!

Brad was my first date, my first kiss, my first love. And he's been my best friend for 18 years! What a joy it has been to watch God transform him from a polite, gangly, very bright but somewhat neurotic 17 year old, into a confident, godly man so capable of leading his family, guiding his students and serving God. He is such a blessing to me!

Belated Birthday Buzz

2007-07-22T14:55:00.001-05:00

I've been meaning to post about Drew's birthday bashes for a week, but I wanted to get some pictures up and with our oh-so-slow dial-up, that's like an all-day affair. So, today I have access to high-speed internet and decided to take advantage.

We had two parties this year: a fun, relaxed family party with grandmas, grandpas, aunts and uncles as Como Park in St. Paul, and then his very first "kid" party at Phelps Park here in town.

We had a Curious George theme for both parties and I had way too much fun (and stayed up way too late!) making monkey cupcakes. They were a little putzy but totally easy and I think they turned out pretty cute!

The big present this year was a bike. I was a little conflicted about it (how can my baby be old enough for a bike??) but Daddy was SOOO excited to give it to him! We managed to convince him before hand that he wasn't getting one, so he was oh so sweetly surprised and pretty much speechless with excitement!
(Doesn't he look so old all perched up there like a real boy?!)

Not 10 minutes after he hopped on we had our first catastrophe: a pedal came loose. Luckily, all available mechanics rushed to the scene to get him up and running again!
The weather for his family party could not have been more perfect, but we didn't get so lucky the second time around. (I think I should start recording the temp and humidity level on his birthday each year -- it seems it's always beastly!) 'Course the kids didn't care too much -- they just kept guzzling that lemonade!

The combination of cupcakes, presents, a playground and seven 3-6 year olds was mildly chaotic, but thanks to a sense of humor and the quick-thinking and creativity of my best friend Tracey and my husband, all went well and I think every one had a really good time.

So, I can't end this post without saying this: I love birthday parties! Yes, I admit, partly it's because I love picking out cute plates and tableclothes and figuring out how to make cute little cupcakes at one o'clock in the morning (sad, I know -- I just miss those all-nighters in college, ah the adreneline rush!). But, mostly it's because I love gathering all the people I love most in one place. I just love, love, love getting both my family and Brad's family together and being able to look around the table and see all the people that are dearest to me eating and talking and laughing together. And I love that they are all there because they love my son so much. What an indescribable gift God has given him -- and us! And, I have to say, I felt much the same way at his "kid" party: the little people at that party represent some of our family's closest friends--and Drew loves each one of them immensely. What a blessing!

So there you have it. The boy is officially four and I've got a whole year to figure out how to make a Thomas the Tank Engine cake! Any ideas?!

He Leadeth Me...O Blessed Thought!

2007-07-20T09:20:00.000-05:00

Monday morning found me feeling scattered. After an absolutely wonderful weekend (more about that later) I had a messy house, a huge pile of laundry and a to-do list a mile long with no idea where to start. For a number of reasons, I was feeling distant from God and frustrated with myself. After going through the motions of doing my bible study, I got in the shower and started to tell God how I was feeling: I had let Him down (again) and while I knew in my head He loved me, I didn't really feel it in my heart that morning. I confessed some specific sins and then, feeling kind of sorry for myself, asked God if he would just reveal himself in some way to me that morning.

I got out of the shower, got dressed, and was in the bathroom getting ready when I realized I was humming. At first not sure what tune it was, I started to sing the words. To my surprise, this is what I was singing: "He leadeth me, he leadeth me, by his own hand he leadeth me; his faithful foll'wer I would be, for by his hand he leadeth me." At first I couldn't figure out how I'd gotten that hymn in my head, until suddenly I was overcome with the realization that God had answered my prayer by literally putting a song in my heart! I immediately dropped to my knees right there in the bathroom and thanked God for his overwhelmingly tender and personal love for me. Then I went downstairs, got out my hymnal and sang the whole hymn back to God in praise.

He leadeth me, O blessed thought!
O words with heav'nly comfort fraught!
Whate'er I do, where-e'er I be,
still 'tis God's hand that leadeth me.

He leadeth me, He leadeth me,
by His own hand He leadeth me;
His faithful foll'wer I would be,
for by his hand He leadeth me.

It was, of course, precisely the message I needed to hear that morning. I left the hymnal open to that page all day as a reminder, and I let God lead me from one task to another all day. Things I thought were top priority slipped quietly to the bottom of the list and I spent a great deal of time playing with my boys, listening to friends who needed to talk--I even took a 20 minute nap. By the end of the day, however, somehow my house was in order and by mid-week I had accomplished everything on my list without stress and before it needed to be done.

My enemy will say, "I have overcome him,"
and my foes will rejoice when I fall.

But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.
I will sing to the LORD
for he has been good to me.

Psalm 13:4-6

Happy Birthday!

2007-07-19T23:24:00.000-05:00

I distinctly remember laying in bed one night shortly after Drew was born and saying to Brad, "I feel like it's going so fast!! He's already four weeks old. I feel like we're going to blink and he's going to be four months old, and then blink again and he'll be four years old!" Brad just smiled at my melodramatic self.

Well, we blinked. And blinked again. And yesterday our little Drew turned four years old.

Brotherly Love

2007-07-06T08:42:00.000-05:00

The other morning Liam and I were down in the living room before Drew woke up. Eventually, we heard Drew get out of bed and begin to play in his room. Liam crawled to the bottom of the stairs and stood, waiting expectantly for his brother to show up. He didn't. After a while, Liam gave up and crawled back into the dining room to play. Pretty soon, Drew came down the stairs, asking, "Where's Liam?" (It's often his first question of the day.) As soon as Liam heard Drew's voice, he dropped his toy and scurried across the floor, shouting, "Doo! Doo! Doo!"

King Over the Flood...and the Worship Service

2007-07-01T16:39:00.000-05:00

One of the blessings of being a worship leader is seeing how God uses the songs we sing on a particular Sunday to speak to certain individuals and situations. I do see my role as pastoral and consider it part of my job to have a feel for what's happening in the lives of people in our congregation, so sometimes I am a conscious part of this process. More often than not, however, I'm as surprised as anyone at how God has orchestrated the perfect set of music for a certain situation.

Today was one of those days. Right before the service started I had two conversations. One was with the new pastoral intern for family discipleship our church recently hired. She and her husband had driven from Chicago yesterday and moved into their apartment last night; she was being introduced to the congregation today. She admitted she was very nervous and I could see the anxiety on her face: this was the congregation she would be serving for the next year and she had never been to a service or met any of our people. The second conversation was with a dear friend of mine who's in the midst of a very chaotic and stressful time in her life--and things were coming to a head this weekend. When I asked how she was doing, she couldn't even answer.

As the service started and we began to lift up the Almighty God in worship, I could see both women begin to relax as they let go of their own situations and focused on the awesome qualities of their Heavenly Father. And then we started to sing "Still" by Reuben Morgan:

Hide me now, under Your wings.
Cover me within Your mighty hand.

When the oceans rise and thunders roar,
I will soar with You above the storm.
Father, You are King over the flood.
I will be still and know You are God.

Find rest my soul in Christ alone.
Know His pow'r in quietness and trust.

When the oceans rise and thunders roar,
I will soar with You above the storm.
Father, You are King over the flood.
I will be still and know You are God.

Before this morning, I would not have been able to give you a compelling reason for why I chose to do that song this week. As I watched my friend sing, with tears streaming down her face, I was overcome with thankfulness to God for working through my choices to speak to her so powerfully today.

Immediately after this song, we went into a time of sharing and praying together as a congregation. The leader of our women's bible study stood up and shared, through sobs, that their family had suffered a tragic and sudden death this week. After a time of praying together, what was the hymn we had already planned to sing?

Abide with me--fast falls the eventide;
the darkness deepens--Lord, with me abide;
when other helpers fail and comforts flee,
help of the helpless, oh, abide with me.

Swift to its close ebbs out life's little day;
earth's joys grow dim, its glories pass away;
change and decay in all around I see;
O Lord who changes not, abide with me.

I need your presence ev'ry passing hour;
what but your grace can foil the tempter's pow'r?
Who like yourself my guide and stay can be?
Through cloud and sunshine, oh, abide with me.

I fear no foe, with you at hand to bless;
ills have no weight and tears no bitterness;
where is death's sting? Where, grave, your victory?
I triumph still if you abide with me.

Hold now your cross before my closing eyes;
shine thro' the gloom and point me to the skies;
heav'n's morning breaks and earth's vain shadows flee;
in life, in death, O Lord, abide with me.

Isn't God good?

Sleeping Like a Baby

2007-06-30T22:31:00.000-05:00

I have never been the kind of mom to put a "shh...baby sleeping!" sign on my front door or take the phone off the hook during nap time. On the contrary, I napped my newborns in a pack-n-play right in the family room and went about my normal business around them. Newborns can sleep through just about anything and our boys quickly grew accustomed to sleeping through our regular household noises. As they got older and moved into their crib for naptime, I was still able to take phone calls, have visitors, vacuum and even practice the piano during naptime without any worry of waking them.

There is some accounting for personality, however. Though undoubtedly Liam has lived in a much noisier environment than Drew ever did, Liam is the lighter sleeper of the two. I've noticed recently that he'll wake up (especially if it's nearing the end of naptime) if Drew yells down the stairs at just the right pitch--or sings too loudly in his room across the hall. And while I did spend the better part of a naptime last weekend in Liam's room sorting clothes without waking him, I was pretty quiet. I've even found myself using the phrase, "Shhh..the baby's napping!" with Drew and his friends. I know, crazy!

Drew, on the other hand, can truly sleep through anything. Today, while he took a rare but much-needed nap, I decided to quietly dust his room. After accidentally dropping a whole bunch of legos very loudly into their bin--and not even causing a stir--I threw caution to the wind and noisily picked up everything off the floor so I could swiffer, too. Meanwhile Liam played and shouted exuberantly across the hall. Drew slept on. Remembering that when he was a baby, I'd often vacuum right under his crib as he slept (and knowing it was probably time for him to wake up anyway) I got even more brave and vacuumed the hall and stairs outside of Drew's room. He slept through it all.

Two other recent stories involving my deep sleeper:

#1 The other day we had to run several errands around town, the last being a quick stop at the local Christian bookstore. Drew loves to play with the Thomas the Tank Engine train set at this bookstore, so I told him if he was cooperative at Wal-mart, we'd spend some time playing at the "Thomas store" as he calls it. Well, by the time we finished our other errands and parked in front of the Thomas store, both boys were fast asleep. I tried for several minutes to wake Drew with no luck. Thinking maybe he really needed a nap, I headed home and attempted to carry him into the house asleep. As soon as I pulled him out of his seat, his eyes popped open and he asked, "Are we at the Thomas store? I really, really wanted to go to the Thomas store!" Since he had been exceptionally helpful at Wal-mart, we got back into the van and drove to the Thomas store. (I guess that's the beauty of living 6 blocks from downtown.)

#2 I mentioned in a previous post that we sometimes put the boys in their jammies and go for a bedtime stroll. One night a few weeks ago, we got them ready for bed and then decided to head for the Whippy Dip (our legendary local ice cream shop). I mentioned to Brad that Liam would probably fall asleep on the way there and Drew immediately piped up, "I'm not going to fall asleep! I'm having ice cream!" Alas, by the time we arrived, both boys were sacked out. After waiting in a rather long line, and fielding many humorous comments about our sons slumbering away in the double stroller, we decided we'd better order Drew a small cone in case he woke up on the way home. After getting our ice cream, Brad decided it really would be most kind to just wake him up. We tried everything we could think of, including practically sticking his nose right into the cone, before Daddy finally ate the extra cone (such sacrifices we make as parents!) and we walked home and put the boys to bed. Here's the best part: the next morning Brad was coming out of the shower just as Drew woke up. First words out of his mouth, I kid you not: "I wanted Whippy Dip!!"

A Little Perspective

2007-06-29T20:11:00.000-05:00

I've found myself in a bit of a hormone-induced slump (if you know what I mean) the last few days and decided I needed a little reality check.

So...things I am thankful for this week:

the fact that Drew and his dad are currently at a movie together...and as I watched them head into the theatre I couldn't tell which one was more excited about it

having a blonde-haired, blue-eyed excuse to go down the waterslide at the local pool over and over and over and...you get the idea

absolutely perfect summer weather--cool evenings, chilly mornings, warm and bright afternoons

corn on the cob dripping with butter (although Heather 's right--it's still a little early)

getting the giggles with Drew this morning (No, not laughing at something with him because I knew he thought it was really funny, not chuckling to myself over something he did that I thought was funny. This was the two of us laughing until we were crying about something we found mutually hilarious--and it was awesome!)

the way my husband so readily apologizes when he knows he's been wrong--and realizing how much our relationship has grown in almost ten years of marriage

watching Liam eat cheerios out of his daddy's mouth like a baby bird and his mommy (maybe you have to be there)

getting my haircut

getting Drew's haircut (and having it be a pleasant experience for all involved)

the times I found satisfaction in God rather than food this week

God's tender mercy for the times I didn't

seeing a picture of the little Korean boy our dear friends (already the parents of 13- and 10-year-old girls) will soon be adopting--and being a part of yet another chapter of the amazing adventure God launched them on a year ago

knowing that God has an amazing adventure planned for us too--and having the courage to pray that He would reveal it

The sheer joy my boys have in being together:

Yeah, okay, I feel better already.

...And SomeBody's Child

2007-06-24T21:38:00.000-05:00

In this morning's sermon, our pastor challenged us to find our identity not in our various roles--mom, wife, worship leader--but in Christ. Among other things, he talked about the subtle difference between identifying yourself as a nurse (for example) that's a Christian, versus a follower of Christ that happens to be a nurse. I was convicted.

I used to be a teacher and I absolutely loved it. It was my calling--and my whole identity. In fact, it blows me away that there are people that know me now that don't even know that I taught--it was such a huge part of who I was for so long. When God led me to take a non-teaching job in the community in which we now live, I went through a deep mourning period, not just for the absolutely ideal job I had to leave when we moved, but also for my very identity. Without teaching, I didn't know who I was.

I have said numerous times that I'm so glad God took me through that period before I got pregnant. I knew that I would quit teaching when I had my first baby, and I would have hated to have that identity crisis all tied up in becoming a mom. God graciously led me through the process of giving up that part of my life (at least for now) 2 years before I had Drew so that when he arrived I was able to joyfully embrace a new role as mom with an undivided heart.

Anyway, as I sat there this morning listening to the sermon, I realized that while I am now able to identify myself as mom and wife first and that might seem like I've gotten my priorities straightened out, I'm still really missing the boat. Even though making my family first on my list seems noble, in reality I've just exchanged one misplaced identity for another.

The truth is this: unless my primary identity is in Christ, my life will inevitably be off-balance. For instance, if my whole identity is in being Drew and Liam's mom, I'm going to parent them in a way that affirms my role: baby them so that I always feel needed, or push them to be super-kids so my sacrifice is validated by their successes, or at the very least, be a terribly overbearing mother-in-law! :) If, on the other hand, my identity is in being a worship leader, I'm going to put church work before my family, cater to the whims of every member of the congregation that lodges a complaint, or foster a prideful performance-based atmosphere.

It is only when my identity is solely grounded in the fact that I am a new creation in Christ that I can be truly free to parent with my children's best interest in mind, be the kind of wife my husband needs and serve my church, workplace and community to God's glory and not my own.

So...in hindsight, maybe I should have titled my blog Somebody's Child.

Simple Pleasures: Closet Update and Liam's Latest

2007-06-23T21:50:00.000-05:00

I finished both boys' closets today and it felt so great that I kept going and did the bathroom closet, too.

Both boys pretty much have all their clothes in their dressers, so the closets quickly become a dumping grounds for things they've outgrown. It didn't take as long as I thought to go through everything and get it sorted back into sizes and packed away. The challenge was keeping Liam distracted long enough for me to fold and pack faster than he could unfold and throw across the floor! We just got a big bag of hand-me-downs for Drew (a rarity these days) so it was fun to go through that -- a bunch of really cute shirts from Gap and Old Navy that will be perfect for fall.

I just can't tell you how much I love a newly-organized closet!

In other news, Liam just turned 9 months. We've been convincing ourselves for a while that when he says "mamamama" and "dadadadada" he, of course, means us, his beloved parents. But today, for sure he said "mamamama" every time he wanted me. One time he even patted me on the arm and said, "mamama!" Then, as if asking for his dad, he got kind of pouty and said, "dadada?" That's our boy genius!

My Sesame Street Character -- people, this is deep psychology!

2007-06-21T22:22:00.000-05:00

You Are Big Bird

Talented, smart, and friendly... you're also one of the sanest people around.

You are usually feeling: Happy. From riding a unicycle to writing poetry, you have plenty of hobbies to keep you busy.

You are famous for: Being a friend to everyone. Even the grumpiest person gets along with you.

How you life your life: Joyfully. "Super. Duper. Flooper."

The Sesame Street Personality Quiz

Something to Do

2007-06-21T10:51:00.000-05:00

Yesterday just before dinner Drew came down and asked the age-old question:

"Mom, what can I do?"

"Well," I replied, "Your dad's out mowing. You could go help him."

Deep, dramatic sigh. "I'm too tired to mow."

"I have to run to the store quick. You could come with me."

"Nah. What else could I do?"

"Spit in your shoe?" (This is Nana's classic response and always gets a smile.)

"Nooooo!" Giggle, giggle.

"You could give me 25 hugs and 32 kisses."

Big smile. "Ok!" And up he climbed into my lap to deliver.

Simple Pleasures: Closet Edition

2007-06-20T07:46:00.000-05:00

Now that it's mid-June already, I finally went through my closet, put away the winter sweaters, sorted through summer clothes (fat summer, skinny summer, pregnant summer) to find the ones that fit now, and packed up a huge bag of stuff for goodwill. It feels soooo good!

Now, on to the boys' rooms!

On Lying and Forgiveness

2007-06-17T22:04:00.000-05:00

Our almost four-year-old has started lying. I know in my head that this is a typical development at this age--and just another manifestation of his sin nature--but wow, I wasn't prepared for how unnerving it would be to watch my beloved son look me straight in the eyes and tell a boldface lie without even a flinch.

Yesterday I walked into the dining room to see the blinds raised all the way to the top. We never leave them this way, so I asked Drew if he had been playing with the blinds (he knows he is not supposed to do this). "No," he responded, casually, "I didn't do it." I questioned him again but he stuck to his story. Now, there are only four people in our family: I knew I hadn't done it, it certainly wasn't the baby, and a quick trip upstairs to check in with daddy confirmed he was innocent as well. I confronted Drew with this logic. His only response: "I don't know, Mommy. I didn't do it."

Now I could really care less about the blinds. We have a rule and try to keep it consistent for safety reasons, but had he admitted his guilt at the first question, I probably would have simply reminded him the blinds were off-limits and left it at that.

Lying, on the other hand, is another deal altogether. So I stood him in front of me, told him I knew he was lying and that lying was not tolerated in this family, and then said that he would need to go to his room until he was ready to tell me the truth.

"Ok, Mommy, I'm sorry," was his immediate response, "I don't want to go to my room."

Thinking we were finally getting somewhere I said, "Ok, then, you need to tell the truth. Did you play with the blinds?"

"No, I didn't."

After I sent Drew to his room, I sat downstairs, blown away at the strength of his instinct for self-preservation. As soon as he told that first lie, he was committed--if he wanted to avoid admitting wrongdoing, he had to stick with his story, whether it made any sense or not. Sadly, the longer he stuck with it, the further it led him away from reconciliation with me, his loving mom.

How silly of him, I thought, to think that I wouldn't know he was lying. And to cling so long to the notion that denying his guilt would work out better for him than just admitting it.

How often, though, do we try to pull the same ridiculously futile stunt with God? We try to cover up our selfish motives, hide our secret sins, sometimes even boldly lying to His face. And, let's be totally honest here, we get ourselves in the same sin cycle Drew was in -- committed to a course of action that can only lead us away from our Heavenly Father, but unable or unwilling to come clean. Even though we're totally miserable, we somehow convince ourselves admitting the truth will be even worse.

This morning in church we read the following Scripture:

Blessed is he whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered.
Blessed is the man whose sin the LORD does not count against him and in whose spirit is no deceit.
When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long.
For day and night your hand was heavy upon me;
my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer.
Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity.
I said, " I will confess my transgressions to the LORD"
--and you forgave the guilt of my sin.
Therefore let everyone who is godly pray to you while you may found;
surely when the mighty waters rise, they will not reach him.
You are my hiding place;
you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance.
(Psalm 32:1-7)

Our natural instinct when we are ashamed is to cover ourselves (think Adam and Eve in the garden). But only when we make ourselves naked and vulnerable before God can he clothe us with his righteousness. How it must break God's heart to watch us "wasting away" with guilt and shame, when all we need to do is acknowledge our sin and he will not only forgive us, but become our very hiding place.

When I went up to Drew's room yesterday and he finally confessed, told me the truth and apologized, I told him that there was nothing he could ever do that telling his dad and I the truth wouldn't be better than lying. I got tears in my eyes as I said it because I realized just how true that statement was, and what it implied as Drew grows up: there is nothing he could do that would cause us to love him any less. If he is dishonest with us, it breaks our trust and creates a very real chasm in our relationship. But if he confesses, we want nothing more than to forgive and restore the relationship.

How much more does our Heavenly Father desire to be merciful with us?

Simple Pleasures

2007-06-15T10:31:00.000-05:00

The other night we gave the boys baths, put their fresh-scrubbed little bodies in clean jammies, and then deposited them both--slicked back hair and all--into the double stroller. Over an hour later, we had walked several miles, enjoyed a beautiful evening, had some great conversation and now had the distinct pleasure of tenderly tucking two sleeping princes into their beds.

It doesn't get any better than that.

Surprised by God

2007-06-13T15:53:00.001-05:00

Ok, so at the risk of sounding like a wacko right from the start, I have to tell you a story.

The first thing you need to know is that God has been working on my relationship with food as of late. I have some significant weight to lose and have known for some time that food is an idol in my life. This spring God is helping me to realize my true freedom in Christ and through obedience to Him, I'm learning to approach food in a healthier way.

The second thing you need to know is that a few weeks ago I damaged one of my husband's most prized and valuable possessions and didn't tell him. Now, this is not something I habitually do--in fact, I don't remember ever keeping something even relatively minor like this from him for any period of time. But...he was extremely stressed with end-of-semester grading and committee work at the time and I knew the particular circumstances surrounding the damage would probably send him over the edge. So, I didn't tell him.

My husband is a scientist and definitely the most observant (read: anal) person I've ever met. For the first 24 hours after the incident I literally held my breath every time he walked past the object in question. To my utter amazement, he didn't notice anything wrong. I felt horrid --guilty, deceitful, and afraid--but I convinced myself that it was for his sake that I wasn't telling him -- it was just such terrible timing. As hours turned into days and days turned into weeks, and still he hadn't noticed anything, I began to convince myself that perhaps it wasn't that big of deal after all. And eventually, to be honest, I pretty much forgot all about it.

Meanwhile, I've really been working on this whole eating thing (basically just eating when I'm hungry and stopping when I'm full -- duh, right?). But even as I felt much freer from that desire to overeat, and knew I was eating significantly less food, I hadn't lost any weight (after an intial loss of 6 pounds in just a couple of weeks). I was trying to be patient and trust that the weight loss would come if I just focused on obedience in this area, but part of me knew that I was holding something back.

So anyway, last night during my devotions several things (my bible reading, some stuff going on in our community, my own reflections about this whole food issue) converged to bring me to a point of deep repentance before God. For the first time in a long time I really felt the pain of choosing to put my trust in other things before God and got truly repentant--I put it all on the table. As I was praying and talking to God, he reminded me of the incident and the fact that I had yet to be honest with my husband. And then he revealed to me, clear as anything, that I had stopped losing weight right around the same time I had started witholding the truth from Brad. Even though I thought this revelation was from God, I didn't know if I really believed there was a correlation between the two things. I even had the gall to argue with God that at this point it might just be better not to tell Brad about it at all. Finally, I asked God to show me a sign: if this really was the deal, and if he was asking me to now be honest with my husband, when I got on the scale in the morning I would have lost weight. (Remember, I had not lost even a fraction of a pound in almost a month.) As soon as I made the request, I regretted it. It seemed like such a ridiculous thing to do. I knew deep down I needed to be honest with Brad, I didn't need a sign to tell me that, right? Besides, now that I'd asked for the sign, if God didn't respond, I'd probably think I was off the hook. And, if he did, well--I think I didn't really believe that would happen, but if it did, then I really would have to obey and tell Brad--and I wasn't thrilled about that, either.

Oh me of little faith! This morning I nervously got on the scale and wouldn't you know, I had lost more than a pound since just the day before. Why does it surprise me when God proves He is listening and active in my life? I say that I believe to my core that this is true, but then, when he shows it so tangibly I'm almost always surprised. Anyway, now I had to follow through and talk to Brad. As I showered and got ready for a work day, I prayed that God would give me the courage to tell him the truth and that He would prepare Brad to be merciful and understanding.

Thinking I would wait until after work (my parents were watching the boys and I didn't want a scene if he got upset) I headed out to the garage to get in my car, but found myself stopping to study the damaged object before I drove off. My husband, who for almost a month had seemed completely blind to this damage, suddenly saw me from the kitchen window and said, "Hey, what's wrong?" I had to just laugh. God was not going to let me procrastinate until after work! I called Brad out to the garage right then and told him the whole story. He smiled, gave me a hug and said, "Oh, I can fix that."

God's ways are indeed higher than ours.

The Balancing Act

2007-06-13T09:09:00.001-05:00

Let's face it: much of the work of motherhood is really about giving up the self. Not in a horrible, abusive way, but in a healthy, peeling away the excess, refining way. And yet, I resist the notion that what's left should be something other than me. In fact, what' s left should be me better defined. I believe God gave me strengths and weaknesses, a particular personality and certain gifts and talents for a reason. And I believe he wants me to bring these to my parenting. Ultimately, if I rely on Him, I will be be a good mom because of who I am, not in spite of it.

Therefore, while clearly the main focus of my life right now is raising these two precious boys God has given us, I also have an active life as a wife, worship leader, church member, writer, reader, friend, daughter (in-law) and sister (in-law), and wannabe knitter. I believe these aspects of my life enrich it, and make me a better mom to my boys. But, I must confess, I do struggle--as so many of us do--to find the right balance. It's easy to make excuses both ways -- to shirk my mommy duties in favor of other things that feel more stimulating or rewarding at the moment, or on the other side, to flake out on a church or work responsibility and use my kids as a convenient excuse.

The answer, I know, lies in looking to God each day to set my priorities and manage my time. But that, of course, is much easier said than done. And ultimately, the heart of it is about living my life to please God, not people. That, too, is a perpetual challenge.

Clearly there's still a lot more refining to be done.

The Realization

2007-06-12T15:33:00.001-05:00

I remember the moment precisely. It was just a week or two after my second son was born and the four of us were walking home, having just visited the farmer's market. It was a beautiful fall morning and the first time we'd broken out the double stroller. As I walked along next to my husband and sons, I felt complete. After all those months of waiting, our baby was here and we were a family.

Something about this second baby seemed to change something in my perception of our situation. No longer were we the cute, young couple with a toddler. We were a family. And then, suddenly it dawned on me. We were a family---and I was the mom!!!

It was in that moment, on that gorgeous Saturday in October, that I first felt like a grown up. I know, I know...I was already well into my thirties, had been a wife for almost 10 years and a mother for over 3. But it wasn't until that moment that I felt the full weight of my responsibility. And it almost knocked me off of my feet.

Thankfully, I know that my children are gifts from an Almighty God and he has ultimate responsibility for them. However, I'm fairly sure He has plans for me to have a significant role in their journey. And so, that's pretty much what my life is about right now: discovering how to raise my boys to be men after God's own heart.

Soli Deo Gloria