I have so very many blog posts spinning around in my head. That's what happens when you don't blog for months at a time, I suppose. So, the best cure for that, I suppose, would be to pick something and talk about it, huh?
Ok, here goes.
So I'm leading our women's bible study this year as we work through Beth Moore's Living Beyond Yourself (a study of the fruit of the Spirit). I cannot tell you what a blessing this has been for me.
Our bible study is an ecumenical group sponsored by our church. The women are of all ages and stages of life, and we meet once a week on Wednesday mornings for prayer and study. We have a wonderful leader who does all the organizational tasks for the group and leads our prayer time, but usually we've taken turns -- on a week by week basis -- leading the discussions.
This summer a small committee consisting of myself, our leader Barbara, and another woman named Evelyn (who is one of the godliest women I know) were charged with choosing what we would study this academic year. We had decided we were going to spend the first 6 weeks on a study of prayer led by Barbara, and then had narrowed our choices for the remainder of the year down to either the Beth Moore study OR a study on the book of James. We decided to each spend time doing the studies and praying for God's direction and then meet again to make a decision. I spent time with both studies and prayed and prayed for God to reveal which one we should do. I got no answers. Not an inkling of direction about which one we should do. What I did get was this very quiet feeling that if we chose the Beth Moore study, I should lead the discussions.
At first I didn't trust that it was even from God -- how could He ask me to do this? I had my hands absolutely full juggling two part-time jobs and a family, I didn't need another responsibility right now. But the more I prayed about it, the more sure I became that this is what God was saying to me. Then the insecurities began: Who am I to think that they would even want me to lead every week? Many of those women already have to deal with me leading worship at church, they're probably sick to death of me! Who do I think I am, anyway? But God was insistent: IF we decided to do the Beth Moore study, I at least needed to volunteer to lead it.
So, eventually the three of us gathered at Barbara's house to make our decision. After prayer and some discussion of other logistical issues, Barbara posed the question: did we know which study we should do? I sat perfectly still, not about to utter a word. Didn't have to -- Evelyn immediately responded with, "Well, I do! We're supposed to do Beth Moore - the fruit of the Spirit." I winced. (I really did!) And then I muttered, almost begrudgingly, "Well, you should know that God told me if we did this study I was supposed to lead it." Almost immediately tears sprang into Evelyn's eyes. Turns out that as God revealed to her that we should do the Beth Moore study, he also put it on her heart to pray that someone would volunteer to lead it. Now if that ain't the Holy Spirit at work, I just don't know what is.
Needless to say, I was now committed to leading this study. Which was all well and good, because after all, God had gone to some lengths to orchestrate the whole thing and I felt pretty certain He was up to something. But still, I was now going to have to actually lead the bible study. And that meant time and effort and energy to prepare and all that stuff that I didn't think I had any extra of, right?
And that's where the real miracle happens. Because I started praying right away -- and so did Barbara and Evelyn, thank goodness -- that God would equip me to do what He had called me to do. I told God right from the start that this was His idea and I was happy to go along with it, but He would have to just do it through me.
And, let me just tell you, that's exactly what He did. Now usually I'm not so good at getting out of God's way and letting Him do His thing -- I usually like to get right in there with my own little schemes and plans and quickly relegate Him to offering occasional wise counsel and emergency rescue. But, in this particular case, He really didn't give me any choice in the matter. This was His plan and He would see it through.
And, ladies and gentlemen, I have never been so blessed. Never once has this felt like a burden. The time I have spent studying the lessons has been transformational. And the time I've spent preparing to lead the discussion has been nothing but rewarding. Every single week God has directed me so clearly as to what we should discuss and how we should spend our time. It's been such a precious time of hearing and discerning His voice -- and practicing obedience to it. It hasn't been stressful, it hasn't been exhausting, it hasn't been taxing. In fact, it's been just the opposite: it's been refreshing, exhilirating, sometimes even downright fun. Now, this doesn't mean that every discussion has gone perfectly well or been a complete success. Not at all. But God has taken my somewhat reluctant willingness to be obedient in this small matter, and given me back so much more than I could have ever hoped or dreamed.
Jesus says, "My yoke is easy and my burden is light." (Matt. 11: 30) This isn't to say that everything God asks of you is going to be a piece of cake -- or that you won't suffer. After all, Jesus also says, "Take up your cross and follow Me." But it is to say this: submission to God's plan brings immeasurable joy, blessing, freedom and peace. I want to keep doing what God asks me to do -- keep saying "yes!" to God--because I want to know in the rest of my life the peaceful rest in God's leadership and provision that I've experienced in leading this bible study . I know, oh how well do I know, what happens when I say "no" to God. And this, my friends, this peace in acknowledging the authority of God, no matter how much it costs, is just so much better.
