...and the fireman!
Trick or treat!!!
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Friday, October 12, 2007
Great Day for some M & M's
8 am yesterday morning:
It's a non-preschool, non-work day, so we're taking it easy. I'm still in my pjs, folding clothes in the living room while the boys play .
All of the sudden Drew says, "I need to go outside quick."
"Now?" I ask, looking at the clock.
"Yeah," he says, "I need to get something to give you."
"Ok," I say, somewhat puzzled, "Put your shoes and your sweatshirt on."
A few minutes later, he comes back in looking a little concerned.
"Mom," he asks, "Where are all the dandelions?"
I can't help smiling. "Well, it's October, Drew. The dandelions are all gone now."
(Brad would want me to insert here that we never really had any dandelions in our yard. The neighbors yes, but not us. Well, maybe a few in early spring, but he promptly eradicated them. Very promptly.)
Drew, however, doesn't care about our beautifully lush green lawn. He's crushed. Tears start to well in his eyes. "I wanted to give you dandelions, Mommy!"
"Well," I say, "you could find me a pretty leaf. There are lots of leaves on the lawn."
He covers his face with his hands. "But I want it to be a surprise!!"
"Oh, I'll be surprised," I assure him.
And with that he's out the door, in search of leaf.
Needless to say, I'll still have that crumpled brown leaf when he gets married.
1pm:
We're on our way home from Wal-mart and Drew is sitting in the back of the van, sharing a bag of M&M's with his good friend, Sarah.
He looks out the window at the cold, grey October sky and exclaims with a satisfied sigh, "What a beautiful day for some M&Ms!"
I couldn't agree more.
4pm:
I'm madly putting away laundry and picking up the house so I can feel like I've accomplished something before feeding the kids dinner and handing them off to Brad so I can get to worship team practice.
Drew comes into my room and looks at me imploringly. "Will you play a game with me?"
"Not now, sweetheart. I've got to get the house picked up." In my defense, we had just finished three rounds of Sequence for Kids. (I emerged the champion, in case you were wondering. It never happens, so it's ok that I gloat.)
"Will you play pets with me?" He persists, referring to a bagful of beanie babies his Bestemor gave him. "You can be the mommy and I'll be the son."
Sensing an opportunity, I grabbed him, gave him a hug, and said, jokingly, "I have an idea. Why don't we pretend that I'm the mommy and you're the little boy and I have to pick up the house and put away laundry, so you have to take care of the pets."
Drew, dead serious, says, "Ok!!" and trots off to find his animals.
UPDATE: Today I pick Drew up from school and as I'm helping him into the van he says, "Hey mom, when we get home can we play that game where you're the mom and I'm the kid and you're busy so I have to take care of the pets?" Hmmm..I might get my dusting done after all.
It's a non-preschool, non-work day, so we're taking it easy. I'm still in my pjs, folding clothes in the living room while the boys play .
All of the sudden Drew says, "I need to go outside quick."
"Now?" I ask, looking at the clock.
"Yeah," he says, "I need to get something to give you."
"Ok," I say, somewhat puzzled, "Put your shoes and your sweatshirt on."
A few minutes later, he comes back in looking a little concerned.
"Mom," he asks, "Where are all the dandelions?"
I can't help smiling. "Well, it's October, Drew. The dandelions are all gone now."
(Brad would want me to insert here that we never really had any dandelions in our yard. The neighbors yes, but not us. Well, maybe a few in early spring, but he promptly eradicated them. Very promptly.)
Drew, however, doesn't care about our beautifully lush green lawn. He's crushed. Tears start to well in his eyes. "I wanted to give you dandelions, Mommy!"
"Well," I say, "you could find me a pretty leaf. There are lots of leaves on the lawn."
He covers his face with his hands. "But I want it to be a surprise!!"
"Oh, I'll be surprised," I assure him.
And with that he's out the door, in search of leaf.
Needless to say, I'll still have that crumpled brown leaf when he gets married.
1pm:
We're on our way home from Wal-mart and Drew is sitting in the back of the van, sharing a bag of M&M's with his good friend, Sarah.
He looks out the window at the cold, grey October sky and exclaims with a satisfied sigh, "What a beautiful day for some M&Ms!"
I couldn't agree more.
4pm:
I'm madly putting away laundry and picking up the house so I can feel like I've accomplished something before feeding the kids dinner and handing them off to Brad so I can get to worship team practice.
Drew comes into my room and looks at me imploringly. "Will you play a game with me?"
"Not now, sweetheart. I've got to get the house picked up." In my defense, we had just finished three rounds of Sequence for Kids. (I emerged the champion, in case you were wondering. It never happens, so it's ok that I gloat.)
"Will you play pets with me?" He persists, referring to a bagful of beanie babies his Bestemor gave him. "You can be the mommy and I'll be the son."
Sensing an opportunity, I grabbed him, gave him a hug, and said, jokingly, "I have an idea. Why don't we pretend that I'm the mommy and you're the little boy and I have to pick up the house and put away laundry, so you have to take care of the pets."
Drew, dead serious, says, "Ok!!" and trots off to find his animals.
UPDATE: Today I pick Drew up from school and as I'm helping him into the van he says, "Hey mom, when we get home can we play that game where you're the mom and I'm the kid and you're busy so I have to take care of the pets?" Hmmm..I might get my dusting done after all.
Sunday, September 30, 2007
Liam's Birthday Bash
Well, in the interest of equal press, I figured I better get some pictures up of Liam's birthday party.
We didn't manage to get both families together this time, so this is the Chamberlain version -- the Torkelson edition will be held at a date yet to be determined. (I'm a little afraid it won't happen until Thanksgiving weekend, but whatever -- he's one, give him cake and he'll be happy!)
It was an absolutely beautiful day and we were so excited to able to eat out on the deck (something we've never been able to do for Drew's birthday as it's inevitably the hottest day of July).
Our excitement was somewhat short-lived-- midway through our meal we were swarmed by bees and had to move inside.
Nevertheless, a great time was had by all!
Liam got lots of "help" opening his presents...and playing with his presents, too, actually! Such is the fate of the deuce.
He didn't have to share his cake, though!
We didn't manage to get both families together this time, so this is the Chamberlain version -- the Torkelson edition will be held at a date yet to be determined. (I'm a little afraid it won't happen until Thanksgiving weekend, but whatever -- he's one, give him cake and he'll be happy!)
It was an absolutely beautiful day and we were so excited to able to eat out on the deck (something we've never been able to do for Drew's birthday as it's inevitably the hottest day of July).
Our excitement was somewhat short-lived-- midway through our meal we were swarmed by bees and had to move inside.
Nevertheless, a great time was had by all!
Liam got lots of "help" opening his presents...and playing with his presents, too, actually! Such is the fate of the deuce.
He didn't have to share his cake, though!
Friday, September 28, 2007
Cherishing that Childish Chatter
I've been doing a little surfing in the blogosphere lately and have come across several new fun/interesting blogs. Today, I was checking out the archives at BooMama and came across this post. Except for the first part about not wanting to have kids, I could relate to the entire thing--from thinking of those four days in the hospital as the sweetest of my life, to having a pretty easygoing baby, to wanting to pull my hair out when he was two and a half and talking non-stop--and why is it always worse in the car?
For Drew, it was the questions--or, more precisely, the questions with no answers--that drove me crazy:
Him: "Where is that guy going?" (referring to a man seen walking on the sidewalk as we drive down main street)
Me: "I don't know."
Him: "What's his name? (still referring to said man)
Me: "I don't know."
Him: "But where's he going?"
Me: (we've been here already!) "I don't know."
Him: "Do you think he's going to the toy store?"
Me: (I highly doubt it.) "Maybe."
Him: "Can WE go to the toy store?
Me: (at last, one I can answer!) "No, not today."
Him: "But why?"
Me: "We need to go to Fareway."
Him: "Maybe he's going to Fareway."
Me: (big sigh) "Maybe, Drew...maybe."
Drew, at four, is still a talker and, being a very curious child, is still an asker of many questions. But now, for the most part I can answer them. Or refer him to his father. We do still get caught up in some doozies though. About a month ago this was our cartime conversation:
Him: "Mom, why is the furniture store not there anymore?"
Me: "Because it moved to a new building."
Him: "Why?"
Me: "Because they needed more space."
Him: "Why?"
Me: "Because they wanted to be able to have more furniture."
Him: "Why?"
Me: "So they can sell more furniture."
Him: "Why?"
Me: "So they can make more money."
Him: "Why?"
Me: "I guess so they can buy more stuff."
Him: "Why?"
Me: "Well, that's a good question."
Still somewhat exhausting,yes, but at least a little more thought-provoking.
And more often than not, our conversations now are funny, interesting and engaging. This week our car talks have ranged from a discussion of sin and why Jesus had to die on the cross to Drew's plan for what kind of house he'll live in when he's an adult, how many kids he'll have and what their names will be (wood house when he has babies, then a brick house when they get older; two kids; a girl named Britta and a boy named Naomi--"not Naomi Elizabeth, that's a girl's name, just Naomi"). Now that's good stuff.
And if he's this interesting at four, I can't imagine the great dialogue we'll have at 8 and 12 and 18. Kind of makes all that obnoxious chattering worth it, doesn't it?!
For Drew, it was the questions--or, more precisely, the questions with no answers--that drove me crazy:
Him: "Where is that guy going?" (referring to a man seen walking on the sidewalk as we drive down main street)
Me: "I don't know."
Him: "What's his name? (still referring to said man)
Me: "I don't know."
Him: "But where's he going?"
Me: (we've been here already!) "I don't know."
Him: "Do you think he's going to the toy store?"
Me: (I highly doubt it.) "Maybe."
Him: "Can WE go to the toy store?
Me: (at last, one I can answer!) "No, not today."
Him: "But why?"
Me: "We need to go to Fareway."
Him: "Maybe he's going to Fareway."
Me: (big sigh) "Maybe, Drew...maybe."
Drew, at four, is still a talker and, being a very curious child, is still an asker of many questions. But now, for the most part I can answer them. Or refer him to his father. We do still get caught up in some doozies though. About a month ago this was our cartime conversation:
Him: "Mom, why is the furniture store not there anymore?"
Me: "Because it moved to a new building."
Him: "Why?"
Me: "Because they needed more space."
Him: "Why?"
Me: "Because they wanted to be able to have more furniture."
Him: "Why?"
Me: "So they can sell more furniture."
Him: "Why?"
Me: "So they can make more money."
Him: "Why?"
Me: "I guess so they can buy more stuff."
Him: "Why?"
Me: "Well, that's a good question."
Still somewhat exhausting,yes, but at least a little more thought-provoking.
And more often than not, our conversations now are funny, interesting and engaging. This week our car talks have ranged from a discussion of sin and why Jesus had to die on the cross to Drew's plan for what kind of house he'll live in when he's an adult, how many kids he'll have and what their names will be (wood house when he has babies, then a brick house when they get older; two kids; a girl named Britta and a boy named Naomi--"not Naomi Elizabeth, that's a girl's name, just Naomi"). Now that's good stuff.
And if he's this interesting at four, I can't imagine the great dialogue we'll have at 8 and 12 and 18. Kind of makes all that obnoxious chattering worth it, doesn't it?!
Thursday, September 20, 2007
"I Can't Believe I Ate the Whole Thing!"
We took Liam out for a little birthday (pan)cake this morning. He definitely knows how to celebrate!
Happy Birthday!
William George Chamberlain
9am on September 20, 2006
William George Chamberlain
9am on September 20, 2007
Happy Birthday, Bean!
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Eeeek!
So, we have mice.
Brad woke up around 3am last night and decided to check the basement for water (it was raining). No water, but he found two mice desperately trying to get out of our laundry sink. He killed them (I love that he's the guy and I'm not!) and went back to bed. This morning he went back down to check out the situation and found TWO more. And then, just moments later, as he bravely ironed his shirt in our now apparently mouse-infested basement (I have not been down there since 3am this morning!), a mouse FELL from the rafters in front of his face. Ok, I'm shuddering even as I type.
I realize I'm kind of a wimp about such things, but it kind of freaks me out that we've never seen a mouse in our basement in three years and then 5 different mice show up in a matter of 4 hours! I'm thinking we have a problem.
Brad thinks so, too. Two trips to Wal-mart and one trip to Ace Hardware later, he was fully equipped for mouse battle: poison, glue traps, some sort of voodoo ultrasound repellers that you plug into the wall (their purpose is to drive the mice out of the walls: I'm not a fan. If we're going to have mice, I prefer them in the walls, rather than out.) So far the score is Brad the Exterminator 3, Mice 2. We're winning!
So why do we feel like sleeping with the lights on tonight?
Brad woke up around 3am last night and decided to check the basement for water (it was raining). No water, but he found two mice desperately trying to get out of our laundry sink. He killed them (I love that he's the guy and I'm not!) and went back to bed. This morning he went back down to check out the situation and found TWO more. And then, just moments later, as he bravely ironed his shirt in our now apparently mouse-infested basement (I have not been down there since 3am this morning!), a mouse FELL from the rafters in front of his face. Ok, I'm shuddering even as I type.
I realize I'm kind of a wimp about such things, but it kind of freaks me out that we've never seen a mouse in our basement in three years and then 5 different mice show up in a matter of 4 hours! I'm thinking we have a problem.
Brad thinks so, too. Two trips to Wal-mart and one trip to Ace Hardware later, he was fully equipped for mouse battle: poison, glue traps, some sort of voodoo ultrasound repellers that you plug into the wall (their purpose is to drive the mice out of the walls: I'm not a fan. If we're going to have mice, I prefer them in the walls, rather than out.) So far the score is Brad the Exterminator 3, Mice 2. We're winning!
So why do we feel like sleeping with the lights on tonight?
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Kiss it and Make it Better?
So, Drew got himself in a little trouble on Saturday and had to have a spanking. He was overly tired and very upset, and just sat in my lap on the floor and cried. And cried. Liam heard the commotion and came to see what was going on. Seeing his brother so distraught clearly upset him, and he began just kind of pacing around us, not sure what to do. Finally he came up real close, leaned in, and gave his big brother a tender kiss on the cheek.
Talk about breaking mom's heart.
Talk about breaking mom's heart.
Monday, September 10, 2007
Catching Up
Hi, my name is Julie and it's been over a month since my last post. Oh wait. That's what you say at AA meetings...or is it confession?
Well, anyway, due to a great 10 day vacation up north, and then a not-so great two weeks of sickness (first Drew, then me) and then the ensuing aftermath--including 9 loads of laundry in one weekend--it has been a very long time since I've blogged.
Ok, so the fact that we got real cable (hello, HGTV!) factored in there somewhere, too.
I refuse, however, to make this blog a source of guilt--I have enough of those in my life--so this is the last time I'm going to make excuses for time between posts. It is what it is.
So...a few things that have happened since last I blogged. Here are the highlights:
1. Liam started walking. Really walking. And, man, is he fast!
2. Drew started back to preschool. He was so excited--and he's grown up so much even since last spring. He is having a great time reconnecting with old friends and making new ones.
3. We found out my brother and his wife are expecting! Hooray -- I'm going to be an aunt! Now I get to be the one that says, "Oh, just let him stay up a little later -- and give him another cookie while you're at it!!"
That's all for now...stay tuned for a cute kid story tomorrow!
Well, anyway, due to a great 10 day vacation up north, and then a not-so great two weeks of sickness (first Drew, then me) and then the ensuing aftermath--including 9 loads of laundry in one weekend--it has been a very long time since I've blogged.
Ok, so the fact that we got real cable (hello, HGTV!) factored in there somewhere, too.
I refuse, however, to make this blog a source of guilt--I have enough of those in my life--so this is the last time I'm going to make excuses for time between posts. It is what it is.
So...a few things that have happened since last I blogged. Here are the highlights:
1. Liam started walking. Really walking. And, man, is he fast!
2. Drew started back to preschool. He was so excited--and he's grown up so much even since last spring. He is having a great time reconnecting with old friends and making new ones.
3. We found out my brother and his wife are expecting! Hooray -- I'm going to be an aunt! Now I get to be the one that says, "Oh, just let him stay up a little later -- and give him another cookie while you're at it!!"That's all for now...stay tuned for a cute kid story tomorrow!
Thursday, August 2, 2007
Ten Years!
Seven homes in three states, 8 or 9 jobs and a Ph.D., two beautiful boys and countless hours of laughter, tears and great conversation -- what a great ten years it's been!
Brad was my first date, my first kiss, my first love. And he's been my best friend for 18 years! What a joy it has been to watch God transform him from a polite, gangly, very bright but somewhat neurotic 17 year old, into a confident, godly man so capable of leading his family, guiding his students and serving God. He is such a blessing to me!
Brad was my first date, my first kiss, my first love. And he's been my best friend for 18 years! What a joy it has been to watch God transform him from a polite, gangly, very bright but somewhat neurotic 17 year old, into a confident, godly man so capable of leading his family, guiding his students and serving God. He is such a blessing to me!
Sunday, July 22, 2007
Belated Birthday Buzz
I've been meaning to post about Drew's birthday bashes for a week, but I wanted to get some pictures up and with our oh-so-slow dial-up, that's like an all-day affair. So, today I have access to high-speed internet and decided to take advantage.
We had two parties this year: a fun, relaxed family party with grandmas, grandpas, aunts and uncles as Como Park in St. Paul, and then his very first "kid" party at Phelps Park here in town.
We had a Curious George theme for both parties and I had way too much fun (and stayed up way too late!) making monkey cupcakes. They were a little putzy but totally easy and I think they turned out pretty cute!
The big present this year was a bike. I was a little conflicted about it (how can my baby be old enough for a bike??) but Daddy was SOOO excited to give it to him! We managed to convince him before hand that he wasn't getting one, so he was oh so sweetly surprised and pretty much speechless with excitement!
(Doesn't he look so old all perched up there like a real boy?!)
Not 10 minutes after he hopped on we had our first catastrophe: a pedal came loose. Luckily, all available mechanics rushed to the scene to get him up and running again!
The weather for his family party could not have been more perfect, but we didn't get so lucky the second time around. (I think I should start recording the temp and humidity level on his birthday each year -- it seems it's always beastly!) 'Course the kids didn't care too much -- they just kept guzzling that lemonade!
The combination of cupcakes, presents, a playground and seven 3-6 year olds was mildly chaotic, but thanks to a sense of humor and the quick-thinking and creativity of my best friend Tracey and my husband, all went well and I think every one had a really good time.
So, I can't end this post without saying this: I love birthday parties! Yes, I admit, partly it's because I love picking out cute plates and tableclothes and figuring out how to make cute little cupcakes at one o'clock in the morning (sad, I know -- I just miss those all-nighters in college, ah the adreneline rush!). But, mostly it's because I love gathering all the people I love most in one place. I just love, love, love getting both my family and Brad's family together and being able to look around the table and see all the people that are dearest to me eating and talking and laughing together. And I love that they are all there because they love my son so much. What an indescribable gift God has given him -- and us! And, I have to say, I felt much the same way at his "kid" party: the little people at that party represent some of our family's closest friends--and Drew loves each one of them immensely. What a blessing!
So there you have it. The boy is officially four and I've got a whole year to figure out how to make a Thomas the Tank Engine cake! Any ideas?!
We had two parties this year: a fun, relaxed family party with grandmas, grandpas, aunts and uncles as Como Park in St. Paul, and then his very first "kid" party at Phelps Park here in town.
We had a Curious George theme for both parties and I had way too much fun (and stayed up way too late!) making monkey cupcakes. They were a little putzy but totally easy and I think they turned out pretty cute!
The big present this year was a bike. I was a little conflicted about it (how can my baby be old enough for a bike??) but Daddy was SOOO excited to give it to him! We managed to convince him before hand that he wasn't getting one, so he was oh so sweetly surprised and pretty much speechless with excitement!
(Doesn't he look so old all perched up there like a real boy?!)Not 10 minutes after he hopped on we had our first catastrophe: a pedal came loose. Luckily, all available mechanics rushed to the scene to get him up and running again!
The weather for his family party could not have been more perfect, but we didn't get so lucky the second time around. (I think I should start recording the temp and humidity level on his birthday each year -- it seems it's always beastly!) 'Course the kids didn't care too much -- they just kept guzzling that lemonade!
The combination of cupcakes, presents, a playground and seven 3-6 year olds was mildly chaotic, but thanks to a sense of humor and the quick-thinking and creativity of my best friend Tracey and my husband, all went well and I think every one had a really good time.So, I can't end this post without saying this: I love birthday parties! Yes, I admit, partly it's because I love picking out cute plates and tableclothes and figuring out how to make cute little cupcakes at one o'clock in the morning (sad, I know -- I just miss those all-nighters in college, ah the adreneline rush!). But, mostly it's because I love gathering all the people I love most in one place. I just love, love, love getting both my family and Brad's family together and being able to look around the table and see all the people that are dearest to me eating and talking and laughing together. And I love that they are all there because they love my son so much. What an indescribable gift God has given him -- and us! And, I have to say, I felt much the same way at his "kid" party: the little people at that party represent some of our family's closest friends--and Drew loves each one of them immensely. What a blessing!
So there you have it. The boy is officially four and I've got a whole year to figure out how to make a Thomas the Tank Engine cake! Any ideas?!
Friday, July 20, 2007
He Leadeth Me...O Blessed Thought!
Monday morning found me feeling scattered. After an absolutely wonderful weekend (more about that later) I had a messy house, a huge pile of laundry and a to-do list a mile long with no idea where to start. For a number of reasons, I was feeling distant from God and frustrated with myself. After going through the motions of doing my bible study, I got in the shower and started to tell God how I was feeling: I had let Him down (again) and while I knew in my head He loved me, I didn't really feel it in my heart that morning. I confessed some specific sins and then, feeling kind of sorry for myself, asked God if he would just reveal himself in some way to me that morning.
I got out of the shower, got dressed, and was in the bathroom getting ready when I realized I was humming. At first not sure what tune it was, I started to sing the words. To my surprise, this is what I was singing: "He leadeth me, he leadeth me, by his own hand he leadeth me; his faithful foll'wer I would be, for by his hand he leadeth me." At first I couldn't figure out how I'd gotten that hymn in my head, until suddenly I was overcome with the realization that God had answered my prayer by literally putting a song in my heart! I immediately dropped to my knees right there in the bathroom and thanked God for his overwhelmingly tender and personal love for me. Then I went downstairs, got out my hymnal and sang the whole hymn back to God in praise.
I got out of the shower, got dressed, and was in the bathroom getting ready when I realized I was humming. At first not sure what tune it was, I started to sing the words. To my surprise, this is what I was singing: "He leadeth me, he leadeth me, by his own hand he leadeth me; his faithful foll'wer I would be, for by his hand he leadeth me." At first I couldn't figure out how I'd gotten that hymn in my head, until suddenly I was overcome with the realization that God had answered my prayer by literally putting a song in my heart! I immediately dropped to my knees right there in the bathroom and thanked God for his overwhelmingly tender and personal love for me. Then I went downstairs, got out my hymnal and sang the whole hymn back to God in praise.
He leadeth me, O blessed thought!It was, of course, precisely the message I needed to hear that morning. I left the hymnal open to that page all day as a reminder, and I let God lead me from one task to another all day. Things I thought were top priority slipped quietly to the bottom of the list and I spent a great deal of time playing with my boys, listening to friends who needed to talk--I even took a 20 minute nap. By the end of the day, however, somehow my house was in order and by mid-week I had accomplished everything on my list without stress and before it needed to be done.
O words with heav'nly comfort fraught!
Whate'er I do, where-e'er I be,
still 'tis God's hand that leadeth me.
He leadeth me, He leadeth me,
by His own hand He leadeth me;
His faithful foll'wer I would be,
for by his hand He leadeth me.
My enemy will say, "I have overcome him,"
and my foes will rejoice when I fall.
But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.
I will sing to the LORD
for he has been good to me.
Psalm 13:4-6
Thursday, July 19, 2007
Happy Birthday!
I distinctly remember laying in bed one night shortly after Drew was born and saying to Brad, "I feel like it's going so fast!! He's already four weeks old. I feel like we're going to blink and he's going to be four months old, and then blink again and he'll be four years old!" Brad just smiled at my melodramatic self.Well, we blinked. And blinked again. And yesterday our little Drew turned four years old.
Friday, July 6, 2007
Brotherly Love
The other morning Liam and I were down in the living room before Drew woke up. Eventually, we heard Drew get out of bed and begin to play in his room. Liam crawled to the bottom of the stairs and stood, waiting expectantly for his brother to show up. He didn't. After a while, Liam gave up and crawled back into the dining room to play. Pretty soon, Drew came down the stairs, asking, "Where's Liam?" (It's often his first question of the day.) As soon as Liam heard Drew's voice, he dropped his toy and scurried across the floor, shouting, "Doo! Doo! Doo!"
Sunday, July 1, 2007
King Over the Flood...and the Worship Service
One of the blessings of being a worship leader is seeing how God uses the songs we sing on a particular Sunday to speak to certain individuals and situations. I do see my role as pastoral and consider it part of my job to have a feel for what's happening in the lives of people in our congregation, so sometimes I am a conscious part of this process. More often than not, however, I'm as surprised as anyone at how God has orchestrated the perfect set of music for a certain situation.
Today was one of those days. Right before the service started I had two conversations. One was with the new pastoral intern for family discipleship our church recently hired. She and her husband had driven from Chicago yesterday and moved into their apartment last night; she was being introduced to the congregation today. She admitted she was very nervous and I could see the anxiety on her face: this was the congregation she would be serving for the next year and she had never been to a service or met any of our people. The second conversation was with a dear friend of mine who's in the midst of a very chaotic and stressful time in her life--and things were coming to a head this weekend. When I asked how she was doing, she couldn't even answer.
As the service started and we began to lift up the Almighty God in worship, I could see both women begin to relax as they let go of their own situations and focused on the awesome qualities of their Heavenly Father. And then we started to sing "Still" by Reuben Morgan:
Before this morning, I would not have been able to give you a compelling reason for why I chose to do that song this week. As I watched my friend sing, with tears streaming down her face, I was overcome with thankfulness to God for working through my choices to speak to her so powerfully today.
Immediately after this song, we went into a time of sharing and praying together as a congregation. The leader of our women's bible study stood up and shared, through sobs, that their family had suffered a tragic and sudden death this week. After a time of praying together, what was the hymn we had already planned to sing?
Isn't God good?
Today was one of those days. Right before the service started I had two conversations. One was with the new pastoral intern for family discipleship our church recently hired. She and her husband had driven from Chicago yesterday and moved into their apartment last night; she was being introduced to the congregation today. She admitted she was very nervous and I could see the anxiety on her face: this was the congregation she would be serving for the next year and she had never been to a service or met any of our people. The second conversation was with a dear friend of mine who's in the midst of a very chaotic and stressful time in her life--and things were coming to a head this weekend. When I asked how she was doing, she couldn't even answer.
As the service started and we began to lift up the Almighty God in worship, I could see both women begin to relax as they let go of their own situations and focused on the awesome qualities of their Heavenly Father. And then we started to sing "Still" by Reuben Morgan:
Hide me now, under Your wings.
Cover me within Your mighty hand.
When the oceans rise and thunders roar,
I will soar with You above the storm.
Father, You are King over the flood.
I will be still and know You are God.
Find rest my soul in Christ alone.
Know His pow'r in quietness and trust.
When the oceans rise and thunders roar,
I will soar with You above the storm.
Father, You are King over the flood.
I will be still and know You are God.
Before this morning, I would not have been able to give you a compelling reason for why I chose to do that song this week. As I watched my friend sing, with tears streaming down her face, I was overcome with thankfulness to God for working through my choices to speak to her so powerfully today.
Immediately after this song, we went into a time of sharing and praying together as a congregation. The leader of our women's bible study stood up and shared, through sobs, that their family had suffered a tragic and sudden death this week. After a time of praying together, what was the hymn we had already planned to sing?
Abide with me--fast falls the eventide;
the darkness deepens--Lord, with me abide;
when other helpers fail and comforts flee,
help of the helpless, oh, abide with me.
Swift to its close ebbs out life's little day;
earth's joys grow dim, its glories pass away;
change and decay in all around I see;
O Lord who changes not, abide with me.
I need your presence ev'ry passing hour;
what but your grace can foil the tempter's pow'r?
Who like yourself my guide and stay can be?
Through cloud and sunshine, oh, abide with me.
I fear no foe, with you at hand to bless;
ills have no weight and tears no bitterness;
where is death's sting? Where, grave, your victory?
I triumph still if you abide with me.
Hold now your cross before my closing eyes;
shine thro' the gloom and point me to the skies;
heav'n's morning breaks and earth's vain shadows flee;
in life, in death, O Lord, abide with me.
Isn't God good?
Saturday, June 30, 2007
Sleeping Like a Baby
I have never been the kind of mom to put a "shh...baby sleeping!" sign on my front door or take the phone off the hook during nap time. On the contrary, I napped my newborns in a pack-n-play right in the family room and went about my normal business around them. Newborns can sleep through just about anything and our boys quickly grew accustomed to sleeping through our regular household noises. As they got older and moved into their crib for naptime, I was still able to take phone calls, have visitors, vacuum and even practice the piano during naptime without any worry of waking them.
There is some accounting for personality, however. Though undoubtedly Liam has lived in a much noisier environment than Drew ever did, Liam is the lighter sleeper of the two. I've noticed recently that he'll wake up (especially if it's nearing the end of naptime) if Drew yells down the stairs at just the right pitch--or sings too loudly in his room across the hall. And while I did spend the better part of a naptime last weekend in Liam's room sorting clothes without waking him, I was pretty quiet. I've even found myself using the phrase, "Shhh..the baby's napping!" with Drew and his friends. I know, crazy!
Drew, on the other hand, can truly sleep through anything. Today, while he took a rare but much-needed nap, I decided to quietly dust his room. After accidentally dropping a whole bunch of legos very loudly into their bin--and not even causing a stir--I threw caution to the wind and noisily picked up everything off the floor so I could swiffer, too. Meanwhile Liam played and shouted exuberantly across the hall. Drew slept on. Remembering that when he was a baby, I'd often vacuum right under his crib as he slept (and knowing it was probably time for him to wake up anyway) I got even more brave and vacuumed the hall and stairs outside of Drew's room. He slept through it all.
Two other recent stories involving my deep sleeper:
#1 The other day we had to run several errands around town, the last being a quick stop at the local Christian bookstore. Drew loves to play with the Thomas the Tank Engine train set at this bookstore, so I told him if he was cooperative at Wal-mart, we'd spend some time playing at the "Thomas store" as he calls it. Well, by the time we finished our other errands and parked in front of the Thomas store, both boys were fast asleep. I tried for several minutes to wake Drew with no luck. Thinking maybe he really needed a nap, I headed home and attempted to carry him into the house asleep. As soon as I pulled him out of his seat, his eyes popped open and he asked, "Are we at the Thomas store? I really, really wanted to go to the Thomas store!" Since he had been exceptionally helpful at Wal-mart, we got back into the van and drove to the Thomas store. (I guess that's the beauty of living 6 blocks from downtown.)
#2 I mentioned in a previous post that we sometimes put the boys in their jammies and go for a bedtime stroll. One night a few weeks ago, we got them ready for bed and then decided to head for the Whippy Dip (our legendary local ice cream shop). I mentioned to Brad that Liam would probably fall asleep on the way there and Drew immediately piped up, "I'm not going to fall asleep! I'm having ice cream!" Alas, by the time we arrived, both boys were sacked out. After waiting in a rather long line, and fielding many humorous comments about our sons slumbering away in the double stroller, we decided we'd better order Drew a small cone in case he woke up on the way home. After getting our ice cream, Brad decided it really would be most kind to just wake him up. We tried everything we could think of, including practically sticking his nose right into the cone, before Daddy finally ate the extra cone (such sacrifices we make as parents!) and we walked home and put the boys to bed. Here's the best part: the next morning Brad was coming out of the shower just as Drew woke up. First words out of his mouth, I kid you not: "I wanted Whippy Dip!!"
There is some accounting for personality, however. Though undoubtedly Liam has lived in a much noisier environment than Drew ever did, Liam is the lighter sleeper of the two. I've noticed recently that he'll wake up (especially if it's nearing the end of naptime) if Drew yells down the stairs at just the right pitch--or sings too loudly in his room across the hall. And while I did spend the better part of a naptime last weekend in Liam's room sorting clothes without waking him, I was pretty quiet. I've even found myself using the phrase, "Shhh..the baby's napping!" with Drew and his friends. I know, crazy!
Drew, on the other hand, can truly sleep through anything. Today, while he took a rare but much-needed nap, I decided to quietly dust his room. After accidentally dropping a whole bunch of legos very loudly into their bin--and not even causing a stir--I threw caution to the wind and noisily picked up everything off the floor so I could swiffer, too. Meanwhile Liam played and shouted exuberantly across the hall. Drew slept on. Remembering that when he was a baby, I'd often vacuum right under his crib as he slept (and knowing it was probably time for him to wake up anyway) I got even more brave and vacuumed the hall and stairs outside of Drew's room. He slept through it all.
Two other recent stories involving my deep sleeper:
#1 The other day we had to run several errands around town, the last being a quick stop at the local Christian bookstore. Drew loves to play with the Thomas the Tank Engine train set at this bookstore, so I told him if he was cooperative at Wal-mart, we'd spend some time playing at the "Thomas store" as he calls it. Well, by the time we finished our other errands and parked in front of the Thomas store, both boys were fast asleep. I tried for several minutes to wake Drew with no luck. Thinking maybe he really needed a nap, I headed home and attempted to carry him into the house asleep. As soon as I pulled him out of his seat, his eyes popped open and he asked, "Are we at the Thomas store? I really, really wanted to go to the Thomas store!" Since he had been exceptionally helpful at Wal-mart, we got back into the van and drove to the Thomas store. (I guess that's the beauty of living 6 blocks from downtown.)
#2 I mentioned in a previous post that we sometimes put the boys in their jammies and go for a bedtime stroll. One night a few weeks ago, we got them ready for bed and then decided to head for the Whippy Dip (our legendary local ice cream shop). I mentioned to Brad that Liam would probably fall asleep on the way there and Drew immediately piped up, "I'm not going to fall asleep! I'm having ice cream!" Alas, by the time we arrived, both boys were sacked out. After waiting in a rather long line, and fielding many humorous comments about our sons slumbering away in the double stroller, we decided we'd better order Drew a small cone in case he woke up on the way home. After getting our ice cream, Brad decided it really would be most kind to just wake him up. We tried everything we could think of, including practically sticking his nose right into the cone, before Daddy finally ate the extra cone (such sacrifices we make as parents!) and we walked home and put the boys to bed. Here's the best part: the next morning Brad was coming out of the shower just as Drew woke up. First words out of his mouth, I kid you not: "I wanted Whippy Dip!!"
Friday, June 29, 2007
A Little Perspective
I've found myself in a bit of a hormone-induced slump (if you know what I mean) the last few days and decided I needed a little reality check.
So...things I am thankful for this week:
Yeah, okay, I feel better already.
So...things I am thankful for this week:
- the fact that Drew and his dad are currently at a movie together...and as I watched them head into the theatre I couldn't tell which one was more excited about it
- having a blonde-haired, blue-eyed excuse to go down the waterslide at the local pool over and over and over and...you get the idea
- absolutely perfect summer weather--cool evenings, chilly mornings, warm and bright afternoons
- corn on the cob dripping with butter (although Heather's right--it's still a little early)
- getting the giggles with Drew this morning (No, not laughing at something with him because I knew he thought it was really funny, not chuckling to myself over something he did that I thought was funny. This was the two of us laughing until we were crying about something we found mutually hilarious--and it was awesome!)
- the way my husband so readily apologizes when he knows he's been wrong--and realizing how much our relationship has grown in almost ten years of marriage
- watching Liam eat cheerios out of his daddy's mouth like a baby bird and his mommy (maybe you have to be there)
- getting my haircut
- getting Drew's haircut (and having it be a pleasant experience for all involved)
- the times I found satisfaction in God rather than food this week
- God's tender mercy for the times I didn't
- seeing a picture of the little Korean boy our dear friends (already the parents of 13- and 10-year-old girls) will soon be adopting--and being a part of yet another chapter of the amazing adventure God launched them on a year ago
- knowing that God has an amazing adventure planned for us too--and having the courage to pray that He would reveal it
- The sheer joy my boys have in being together:
Yeah, okay, I feel better already.
Sunday, June 24, 2007
...And SomeBody's Child
In this morning's sermon, our pastor challenged us to find our identity not in our various roles--mom, wife, worship leader--but in Christ. Among other things, he talked about the subtle difference between identifying yourself as a nurse (for example) that's a Christian, versus a follower of Christ that happens to be a nurse. I was convicted.
I used to be a teacher and I absolutely loved it. It was my calling--and my whole identity. In fact, it blows me away that there are people that know me now that don't even know that I taught--it was such a huge part of who I was for so long. When God led me to take a non-teaching job in the community in which we now live, I went through a deep mourning period, not just for the absolutely ideal job I had to leave when we moved, but also for my very identity. Without teaching, I didn't know who I was.
I have said numerous times that I'm so glad God took me through that period before I got pregnant. I knew that I would quit teaching when I had my first baby, and I would have hated to have that identity crisis all tied up in becoming a mom. God graciously led me through the process of giving up that part of my life (at least for now) 2 years before I had Drew so that when he arrived I was able to joyfully embrace a new role as mom with an undivided heart.
Anyway, as I sat there this morning listening to the sermon, I realized that while I am now able to identify myself as mom and wife first and that might seem like I've gotten my priorities straightened out, I'm still really missing the boat. Even though making my family first on my list seems noble, in reality I've just exchanged one misplaced identity for another.
The truth is this: unless my primary identity is in Christ, my life will inevitably be off-balance. For instance, if my whole identity is in being Drew and Liam's mom, I'm going to parent them in a way that affirms my role: baby them so that I always feel needed, or push them to be super-kids so my sacrifice is validated by their successes, or at the very least, be a terribly overbearing mother-in-law! :) If, on the other hand, my identity is in being a worship leader, I'm going to put church work before my family, cater to the whims of every member of the congregation that lodges a complaint, or foster a prideful performance-based atmosphere.
It is only when my identity is solely grounded in the fact that I am a new creation in Christ that I can be truly free to parent with my children's best interest in mind, be the kind of wife my husband needs and serve my church, workplace and community to God's glory and not my own.
So...in hindsight, maybe I should have titled my blog Somebody's Child.
I used to be a teacher and I absolutely loved it. It was my calling--and my whole identity. In fact, it blows me away that there are people that know me now that don't even know that I taught--it was such a huge part of who I was for so long. When God led me to take a non-teaching job in the community in which we now live, I went through a deep mourning period, not just for the absolutely ideal job I had to leave when we moved, but also for my very identity. Without teaching, I didn't know who I was.
I have said numerous times that I'm so glad God took me through that period before I got pregnant. I knew that I would quit teaching when I had my first baby, and I would have hated to have that identity crisis all tied up in becoming a mom. God graciously led me through the process of giving up that part of my life (at least for now) 2 years before I had Drew so that when he arrived I was able to joyfully embrace a new role as mom with an undivided heart.
Anyway, as I sat there this morning listening to the sermon, I realized that while I am now able to identify myself as mom and wife first and that might seem like I've gotten my priorities straightened out, I'm still really missing the boat. Even though making my family first on my list seems noble, in reality I've just exchanged one misplaced identity for another.
The truth is this: unless my primary identity is in Christ, my life will inevitably be off-balance. For instance, if my whole identity is in being Drew and Liam's mom, I'm going to parent them in a way that affirms my role: baby them so that I always feel needed, or push them to be super-kids so my sacrifice is validated by their successes, or at the very least, be a terribly overbearing mother-in-law! :) If, on the other hand, my identity is in being a worship leader, I'm going to put church work before my family, cater to the whims of every member of the congregation that lodges a complaint, or foster a prideful performance-based atmosphere.
It is only when my identity is solely grounded in the fact that I am a new creation in Christ that I can be truly free to parent with my children's best interest in mind, be the kind of wife my husband needs and serve my church, workplace and community to God's glory and not my own.
So...in hindsight, maybe I should have titled my blog Somebody's Child.
Saturday, June 23, 2007
Simple Pleasures: Closet Update and Liam's Latest
I finished both boys' closets today and it felt so great that I kept going and did the bathroom closet, too.
Both boys pretty much have all their clothes in their dressers, so the closets quickly become a dumping grounds for things they've outgrown. It didn't take as long as I thought to go through everything and get it sorted back into sizes and packed away. The challenge was keeping Liam distracted long enough for me to fold and pack faster than he could unfold and throw across the floor! We just got a big bag of hand-me-downs for Drew (a rarity these days) so it was fun to go through that -- a bunch of really cute shirts from Gap and Old Navy that will be perfect for fall.
I just can't tell you how much I love a newly-organized closet!
In other news, Liam just turned 9 months. We've been convincing ourselves for a while that when he says "mamamama" and "dadadadada" he, of course, means us, his beloved parents. But today, for sure he said "mamamama" every time he wanted me. One time he even patted me on the arm and said, "mamama!" Then, as if asking for his dad, he got kind of pouty and said, "dadada?" That's our boy genius!
Both boys pretty much have all their clothes in their dressers, so the closets quickly become a dumping grounds for things they've outgrown. It didn't take as long as I thought to go through everything and get it sorted back into sizes and packed away. The challenge was keeping Liam distracted long enough for me to fold and pack faster than he could unfold and throw across the floor! We just got a big bag of hand-me-downs for Drew (a rarity these days) so it was fun to go through that -- a bunch of really cute shirts from Gap and Old Navy that will be perfect for fall.
I just can't tell you how much I love a newly-organized closet!
In other news, Liam just turned 9 months. We've been convincing ourselves for a while that when he says "mamamama" and "dadadadada" he, of course, means us, his beloved parents. But today, for sure he said "mamamama" every time he wanted me. One time he even patted me on the arm and said, "mamama!" Then, as if asking for his dad, he got kind of pouty and said, "dadada?" That's our boy genius!
Thursday, June 21, 2007
My Sesame Street Character -- people, this is deep psychology!
You Are Big Bird |
 Talented, smart, and friendly... you're also one of the sanest people around. You are usually feeling: Happy. From riding a unicycle to writing poetry, you have plenty of hobbies to keep you busy. You are famous for: Being a friend to everyone. Even the grumpiest person gets along with you. How you life your life: Joyfully. "Super. Duper. Flooper." |
Something to Do
Yesterday just before dinner Drew came down and asked the age-old question:
"Mom, what can I do?"
"Well," I replied, "Your dad's out mowing. You could go help him."
Deep, dramatic sigh. "I'm too tired to mow."
"I have to run to the store quick. You could come with me."
"Nah. What else could I do?"
"Spit in your shoe?" (This is Nana's classic response and always gets a smile.)
"Nooooo!" Giggle, giggle.
"You could give me 25 hugs and 32 kisses."
Big smile. "Ok!" And up he climbed into my lap to deliver.
"Mom, what can I do?"
"Well," I replied, "Your dad's out mowing. You could go help him."
Deep, dramatic sigh. "I'm too tired to mow."
"I have to run to the store quick. You could come with me."
"Nah. What else could I do?"
"Spit in your shoe?" (This is Nana's classic response and always gets a smile.)
"Nooooo!" Giggle, giggle.
"You could give me 25 hugs and 32 kisses."
Big smile. "Ok!" And up he climbed into my lap to deliver.
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Simple Pleasures: Closet Edition
Now that it's mid-June already, I finally went through my closet, put away the winter sweaters, sorted through summer clothes (fat summer, skinny summer, pregnant summer) to find the ones that fit now, and packed up a huge bag of stuff for goodwill. It feels soooo good!
Now, on to the boys' rooms!
Now, on to the boys' rooms!
Sunday, June 17, 2007
On Lying and Forgiveness
Our almost four-year-old has started lying. I know in my head that this is a typical development at this age--and just another manifestation of his sin nature--but wow, I wasn't prepared for how unnerving it would be to watch my beloved son look me straight in the eyes and tell a boldface lie without even a flinch.
Yesterday I walked into the dining room to see the blinds raised all the way to the top. We never leave them this way, so I asked Drew if he had been playing with the blinds (he knows he is not supposed to do this). "No," he responded, casually, "I didn't do it." I questioned him again but he stuck to his story. Now, there are only four people in our family: I knew I hadn't done it, it certainly wasn't the baby, and a quick trip upstairs to check in with daddy confirmed he was innocent as well. I confronted Drew with this logic. His only response: "I don't know, Mommy. I didn't do it."
Now I could really care less about the blinds. We have a rule and try to keep it consistent for safety reasons, but had he admitted his guilt at the first question, I probably would have simply reminded him the blinds were off-limits and left it at that.
Lying, on the other hand, is another deal altogether. So I stood him in front of me, told him I knew he was lying and that lying was not tolerated in this family, and then said that he would need to go to his room until he was ready to tell me the truth.
"Ok, Mommy, I'm sorry," was his immediate response, "I don't want to go to my room."
Thinking we were finally getting somewhere I said, "Ok, then, you need to tell the truth. Did you play with the blinds?"
"No, I didn't."
After I sent Drew to his room, I sat downstairs, blown away at the strength of his instinct for self-preservation. As soon as he told that first lie, he was committed--if he wanted to avoid admitting wrongdoing, he had to stick with his story, whether it made any sense or not. Sadly, the longer he stuck with it, the further it led him away from reconciliation with me, his loving mom.
How silly of him, I thought, to think that I wouldn't know he was lying. And to cling so long to the notion that denying his guilt would work out better for him than just admitting it.
How often, though, do we try to pull the same ridiculously futile stunt with God? We try to cover up our selfish motives, hide our secret sins, sometimes even boldly lying to His face. And, let's be totally honest here, we get ourselves in the same sin cycle Drew was in -- committed to a course of action that can only lead us away from our Heavenly Father, but unable or unwilling to come clean. Even though we're totally miserable, we somehow convince ourselves admitting the truth will be even worse.
This morning in church we read the following Scripture:
Blessed is he whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered.
Blessed is the man whose sin the LORD does not count against him and in whose spirit is no deceit.
When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long.
For day and night your hand was heavy upon me;
my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer.
Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity.
I said, " I will confess my transgressions to the LORD"
--and you forgave the guilt of my sin.
Therefore let everyone who is godly pray to you while you may found;
surely when the mighty waters rise, they will not reach him.
You are my hiding place;
you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance.
(Psalm 32:1-7)
Our natural instinct when we are ashamed is to cover ourselves (think Adam and Eve in the garden). But only when we make ourselves naked and vulnerable before God can he clothe us with his righteousness. How it must break God's heart to watch us "wasting away" with guilt and shame, when all we need to do is acknowledge our sin and he will not only forgive us, but become our very hiding place.
When I went up to Drew's room yesterday and he finally confessed, told me the truth and apologized, I told him that there was nothing he could ever do that telling his dad and I the truth wouldn't be better than lying. I got tears in my eyes as I said it because I realized just how true that statement was, and what it implied as Drew grows up: there is nothing he could do that would cause us to love him any less. If he is dishonest with us, it breaks our trust and creates a very real chasm in our relationship. But if he confesses, we want nothing more than to forgive and restore the relationship.
How much more does our Heavenly Father desire to be merciful with us?
Yesterday I walked into the dining room to see the blinds raised all the way to the top. We never leave them this way, so I asked Drew if he had been playing with the blinds (he knows he is not supposed to do this). "No," he responded, casually, "I didn't do it." I questioned him again but he stuck to his story. Now, there are only four people in our family: I knew I hadn't done it, it certainly wasn't the baby, and a quick trip upstairs to check in with daddy confirmed he was innocent as well. I confronted Drew with this logic. His only response: "I don't know, Mommy. I didn't do it."
Now I could really care less about the blinds. We have a rule and try to keep it consistent for safety reasons, but had he admitted his guilt at the first question, I probably would have simply reminded him the blinds were off-limits and left it at that.
Lying, on the other hand, is another deal altogether. So I stood him in front of me, told him I knew he was lying and that lying was not tolerated in this family, and then said that he would need to go to his room until he was ready to tell me the truth.
"Ok, Mommy, I'm sorry," was his immediate response, "I don't want to go to my room."
Thinking we were finally getting somewhere I said, "Ok, then, you need to tell the truth. Did you play with the blinds?"
"No, I didn't."
After I sent Drew to his room, I sat downstairs, blown away at the strength of his instinct for self-preservation. As soon as he told that first lie, he was committed--if he wanted to avoid admitting wrongdoing, he had to stick with his story, whether it made any sense or not. Sadly, the longer he stuck with it, the further it led him away from reconciliation with me, his loving mom.
How silly of him, I thought, to think that I wouldn't know he was lying. And to cling so long to the notion that denying his guilt would work out better for him than just admitting it.
How often, though, do we try to pull the same ridiculously futile stunt with God? We try to cover up our selfish motives, hide our secret sins, sometimes even boldly lying to His face. And, let's be totally honest here, we get ourselves in the same sin cycle Drew was in -- committed to a course of action that can only lead us away from our Heavenly Father, but unable or unwilling to come clean. Even though we're totally miserable, we somehow convince ourselves admitting the truth will be even worse.
This morning in church we read the following Scripture:
Blessed is he whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered.
Blessed is the man whose sin the LORD does not count against him and in whose spirit is no deceit.
When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long.
For day and night your hand was heavy upon me;
my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer.
Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity.
I said, " I will confess my transgressions to the LORD"
--and you forgave the guilt of my sin.
Therefore let everyone who is godly pray to you while you may found;
surely when the mighty waters rise, they will not reach him.
You are my hiding place;
you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance.
(Psalm 32:1-7)
Our natural instinct when we are ashamed is to cover ourselves (think Adam and Eve in the garden). But only when we make ourselves naked and vulnerable before God can he clothe us with his righteousness. How it must break God's heart to watch us "wasting away" with guilt and shame, when all we need to do is acknowledge our sin and he will not only forgive us, but become our very hiding place.
When I went up to Drew's room yesterday and he finally confessed, told me the truth and apologized, I told him that there was nothing he could ever do that telling his dad and I the truth wouldn't be better than lying. I got tears in my eyes as I said it because I realized just how true that statement was, and what it implied as Drew grows up: there is nothing he could do that would cause us to love him any less. If he is dishonest with us, it breaks our trust and creates a very real chasm in our relationship. But if he confesses, we want nothing more than to forgive and restore the relationship.
How much more does our Heavenly Father desire to be merciful with us?
Friday, June 15, 2007
Simple Pleasures
The other night we gave the boys baths, put their fresh-scrubbed little bodies in clean jammies, and then deposited them both--slicked back hair and all--into the double stroller. Over an hour later, we had walked several miles, enjoyed a beautiful evening, had some great conversation and now had the distinct pleasure of tenderly tucking two sleeping princes into their beds.
It doesn't get any better than that.
It doesn't get any better than that.
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Surprised by God
Ok, so at the risk of sounding like a wacko right from the start, I have to tell you a story.
The first thing you need to know is that God has been working on my relationship with food as of late. I have some significant weight to lose and have known for some time that food is an idol in my life. This spring God is helping me to realize my true freedom in Christ and through obedience to Him, I'm learning to approach food in a healthier way.
The second thing you need to know is that a few weeks ago I damaged one of my husband's most prized and valuable possessions and didn't tell him. Now, this is not something I habitually do--in fact, I don't remember ever keeping something even relatively minor like this from him for any period of time. But...he was extremely stressed with end-of-semester grading and committee work at the time and I knew the particular circumstances surrounding the damage would probably send him over the edge. So, I didn't tell him.
My husband is a scientist and definitely the most observant (read: anal) person I've ever met. For the first 24 hours after the incident I literally held my breath every time he walked past the object in question. To my utter amazement, he didn't notice anything wrong. I felt horrid --guilty, deceitful, and afraid--but I convinced myself that it was for his sake that I wasn't telling him -- it was just such terrible timing. As hours turned into days and days turned into weeks, and still he hadn't noticed anything, I began to convince myself that perhaps it wasn't that big of deal after all. And eventually, to be honest, I pretty much forgot all about it.
Meanwhile, I've really been working on this whole eating thing (basically just eating when I'm hungry and stopping when I'm full -- duh, right?). But even as I felt much freer from that desire to overeat, and knew I was eating significantly less food, I hadn't lost any weight (after an intial loss of 6 pounds in just a couple of weeks). I was trying to be patient and trust that the weight loss would come if I just focused on obedience in this area, but part of me knew that I was holding something back.
So anyway, last night during my devotions several things (my bible reading, some stuff going on in our community, my own reflections about this whole food issue) converged to bring me to a point of deep repentance before God. For the first time in a long time I really felt the pain of choosing to put my trust in other things before God and got truly repentant--I put it all on the table. As I was praying and talking to God, he reminded me of the incident and the fact that I had yet to be honest with my husband. And then he revealed to me, clear as anything, that I had stopped losing weight right around the same time I had started witholding the truth from Brad. Even though I thought this revelation was from God, I didn't know if I really believed there was a correlation between the two things. I even had the gall to argue with God that at this point it might just be better not to tell Brad about it at all. Finally, I asked God to show me a sign: if this really was the deal, and if he was asking me to now be honest with my husband, when I got on the scale in the morning I would have lost weight. (Remember, I had not lost even a fraction of a pound in almost a month.) As soon as I made the request, I regretted it. It seemed like such a ridiculous thing to do. I knew deep down I needed to be honest with Brad, I didn't need a sign to tell me that, right? Besides, now that I'd asked for the sign, if God didn't respond, I'd probably think I was off the hook. And, if he did, well--I think I didn't really believe that would happen, but if it did, then I really would have to obey and tell Brad--and I wasn't thrilled about that, either.
Oh me of little faith! This morning I nervously got on the scale and wouldn't you know, I had lost more than a pound since just the day before. Why does it surprise me when God proves He is listening and active in my life? I say that I believe to my core that this is true, but then, when he shows it so tangibly I'm almost always surprised. Anyway, now I had to follow through and talk to Brad. As I showered and got ready for a work day, I prayed that God would give me the courage to tell him the truth and that He would prepare Brad to be merciful and understanding.
Thinking I would wait until after work (my parents were watching the boys and I didn't want a scene if he got upset) I headed out to the garage to get in my car, but found myself stopping to study the damaged object before I drove off. My husband, who for almost a month had seemed completely blind to this damage, suddenly saw me from the kitchen window and said, "Hey, what's wrong?" I had to just laugh. God was not going to let me procrastinate until after work! I called Brad out to the garage right then and told him the whole story. He smiled, gave me a hug and said, "Oh, I can fix that."
God's ways are indeed higher than ours.
The first thing you need to know is that God has been working on my relationship with food as of late. I have some significant weight to lose and have known for some time that food is an idol in my life. This spring God is helping me to realize my true freedom in Christ and through obedience to Him, I'm learning to approach food in a healthier way.
The second thing you need to know is that a few weeks ago I damaged one of my husband's most prized and valuable possessions and didn't tell him. Now, this is not something I habitually do--in fact, I don't remember ever keeping something even relatively minor like this from him for any period of time. But...he was extremely stressed with end-of-semester grading and committee work at the time and I knew the particular circumstances surrounding the damage would probably send him over the edge. So, I didn't tell him.
My husband is a scientist and definitely the most observant (read: anal) person I've ever met. For the first 24 hours after the incident I literally held my breath every time he walked past the object in question. To my utter amazement, he didn't notice anything wrong. I felt horrid --guilty, deceitful, and afraid--but I convinced myself that it was for his sake that I wasn't telling him -- it was just such terrible timing. As hours turned into days and days turned into weeks, and still he hadn't noticed anything, I began to convince myself that perhaps it wasn't that big of deal after all. And eventually, to be honest, I pretty much forgot all about it.
Meanwhile, I've really been working on this whole eating thing (basically just eating when I'm hungry and stopping when I'm full -- duh, right?). But even as I felt much freer from that desire to overeat, and knew I was eating significantly less food, I hadn't lost any weight (after an intial loss of 6 pounds in just a couple of weeks). I was trying to be patient and trust that the weight loss would come if I just focused on obedience in this area, but part of me knew that I was holding something back.
So anyway, last night during my devotions several things (my bible reading, some stuff going on in our community, my own reflections about this whole food issue) converged to bring me to a point of deep repentance before God. For the first time in a long time I really felt the pain of choosing to put my trust in other things before God and got truly repentant--I put it all on the table. As I was praying and talking to God, he reminded me of the incident and the fact that I had yet to be honest with my husband. And then he revealed to me, clear as anything, that I had stopped losing weight right around the same time I had started witholding the truth from Brad. Even though I thought this revelation was from God, I didn't know if I really believed there was a correlation between the two things. I even had the gall to argue with God that at this point it might just be better not to tell Brad about it at all. Finally, I asked God to show me a sign: if this really was the deal, and if he was asking me to now be honest with my husband, when I got on the scale in the morning I would have lost weight. (Remember, I had not lost even a fraction of a pound in almost a month.) As soon as I made the request, I regretted it. It seemed like such a ridiculous thing to do. I knew deep down I needed to be honest with Brad, I didn't need a sign to tell me that, right? Besides, now that I'd asked for the sign, if God didn't respond, I'd probably think I was off the hook. And, if he did, well--I think I didn't really believe that would happen, but if it did, then I really would have to obey and tell Brad--and I wasn't thrilled about that, either.
Oh me of little faith! This morning I nervously got on the scale and wouldn't you know, I had lost more than a pound since just the day before. Why does it surprise me when God proves He is listening and active in my life? I say that I believe to my core that this is true, but then, when he shows it so tangibly I'm almost always surprised. Anyway, now I had to follow through and talk to Brad. As I showered and got ready for a work day, I prayed that God would give me the courage to tell him the truth and that He would prepare Brad to be merciful and understanding.
Thinking I would wait until after work (my parents were watching the boys and I didn't want a scene if he got upset) I headed out to the garage to get in my car, but found myself stopping to study the damaged object before I drove off. My husband, who for almost a month had seemed completely blind to this damage, suddenly saw me from the kitchen window and said, "Hey, what's wrong?" I had to just laugh. God was not going to let me procrastinate until after work! I called Brad out to the garage right then and told him the whole story. He smiled, gave me a hug and said, "Oh, I can fix that."
God's ways are indeed higher than ours.
The Balancing Act
Let's face it: much of the work of motherhood is really about giving up the self. Not in a horrible, abusive way, but in a healthy, peeling away the excess, refining way. And yet, I resist the notion that what's left should be something other than me. In fact, what' s left should be me better defined. I believe God gave me strengths and weaknesses, a particular personality and certain gifts and talents for a reason. And I believe he wants me to bring these to my parenting. Ultimately, if I rely on Him, I will be be a good mom because of who I am, not in spite of it.
Therefore, while clearly the main focus of my life right now is raising these two precious boys God has given us, I also have an active life as a wife, worship leader, church member, writer, reader, friend, daughter (in-law) and sister (in-law), and wannabe knitter. I believe these aspects of my life enrich it, and make me a better mom to my boys. But, I must confess, I do struggle--as so many of us do--to find the right balance. It's easy to make excuses both ways -- to shirk my mommy duties in favor of other things that feel more stimulating or rewarding at the moment, or on the other side, to flake out on a church or work responsibility and use my kids as a convenient excuse.
The answer, I know, lies in looking to God each day to set my priorities and manage my time. But that, of course, is much easier said than done. And ultimately, the heart of it is about living my life to please God, not people. That, too, is a perpetual challenge.
Clearly there's still a lot more refining to be done.
Therefore, while clearly the main focus of my life right now is raising these two precious boys God has given us, I also have an active life as a wife, worship leader, church member, writer, reader, friend, daughter (in-law) and sister (in-law), and wannabe knitter. I believe these aspects of my life enrich it, and make me a better mom to my boys. But, I must confess, I do struggle--as so many of us do--to find the right balance. It's easy to make excuses both ways -- to shirk my mommy duties in favor of other things that feel more stimulating or rewarding at the moment, or on the other side, to flake out on a church or work responsibility and use my kids as a convenient excuse.
The answer, I know, lies in looking to God each day to set my priorities and manage my time. But that, of course, is much easier said than done. And ultimately, the heart of it is about living my life to please God, not people. That, too, is a perpetual challenge.
Clearly there's still a lot more refining to be done.
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
The Realization
I remember the moment precisely. It was just a week or two after my second son was born and the four of us were walking home, having just visited the farmer's market. It was a beautiful fall morning and the first time we'd broken out the double stroller. As I walked along next to my husband and sons, I felt complete. After all those months of waiting, our baby was here and we were a family.
Something about this second baby seemed to change something in my perception of our situation. No longer were we the cute, young couple with a toddler. We were a family. And then, suddenly it dawned on me. We were a family---and I was the mom!!!
It was in that moment, on that gorgeous Saturday in October, that I first felt like a grown up. I know, I know...I was already well into my thirties, had been a wife for almost 10 years and a mother for over 3. But it wasn't until that moment that I felt the full weight of my responsibility. And it almost knocked me off of my feet.
Thankfully, I know that my children are gifts from an Almighty God and he has ultimate responsibility for them. However, I'm fairly sure He has plans for me to have a significant role in their journey. And so, that's pretty much what my life is about right now: discovering how to raise my boys to be men after God's own heart.
Soli Deo Gloria
Something about this second baby seemed to change something in my perception of our situation. No longer were we the cute, young couple with a toddler. We were a family. And then, suddenly it dawned on me. We were a family---and I was the mom!!!
It was in that moment, on that gorgeous Saturday in October, that I first felt like a grown up. I know, I know...I was already well into my thirties, had been a wife for almost 10 years and a mother for over 3. But it wasn't until that moment that I felt the full weight of my responsibility. And it almost knocked me off of my feet.
Thankfully, I know that my children are gifts from an Almighty God and he has ultimate responsibility for them. However, I'm fairly sure He has plans for me to have a significant role in their journey. And so, that's pretty much what my life is about right now: discovering how to raise my boys to be men after God's own heart.
Soli Deo Gloria
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