Behold, the Kenmore Progressive Canister Vacuum:

We found it a week ago, spent a week doing internet research (Brad) and dreaming/pining(me), and finally purchased it this weekend. As soon as Brad had it out of the van, I carefully and reverently unpacked it, put it together and read the manual from cover to cover.
And then, I vacuumed! Oh, the glory, the splendor of it all. The kitchen tile, the hardwoods, the area rug, the cursed almost-shag carpet on the stairs--it does it all with grace and simplicity.
I think I'm in love.