Let's face it: much of the work of motherhood is really about giving up the self. Not in a horrible, abusive way, but in a healthy, peeling away the excess, refining way. And yet, I resist the notion that what's left should be something other than me. In fact, what' s left should be me better defined. I believe God gave me strengths and weaknesses, a particular personality and certain gifts and talents for a reason. And I believe he wants me to bring these to my parenting. Ultimately, if I rely on Him, I will be be a good mom because of who I am, not in spite of it.
Therefore, while clearly the main focus of my life right now is raising these two precious boys God has given us, I also have an active life as a wife, worship leader, church member, writer, reader, friend, daughter (in-law) and sister (in-law), and wannabe knitter. I believe these aspects of my life enrich it, and make me a better mom to my boys. But, I must confess, I do struggle--as so many of us do--to find the right balance. It's easy to make excuses both ways -- to shirk my mommy duties in favor of other things that feel more stimulating or rewarding at the moment, or on the other side, to flake out on a church or work responsibility and use my kids as a convenient excuse.
The answer, I know, lies in looking to God each day to set my priorities and manage my time. But that, of course, is much easier said than done. And ultimately, the heart of it is about living my life to please God, not people. That, too, is a perpetual challenge.
Clearly there's still a lot more refining to be done.
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